


Do You Know? All I Want Is You

by Kuraagins



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward First Times, Homophobic Language, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reincarnation, Sexual Content, there are some of the character's family members in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-03-15 07:08:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13608204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuraagins/pseuds/Kuraagins
Summary: Marvin has the same nightmare every night. There's a man he loves that dies.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am really excited to write this fic! I've had this idea for a while but I've never had time to get it done, so I'm hoping I can do it justice!

_He tries to smile weakly as he looks down at the man on the hospital bed, but he is betrayed by the fat tears rolling down his cheeks and the stifled sobs forcing their way out of his throat. Shit; what kind of friend is he sitting crying whilst his lover is dying. What right does he have to be sad?_

_The dying man is hardly recognisable now. No longer the snide and smarmy, yet charming and loving man he had once been. He’s pale and thin, too thin. And he wheezes with every breath. A harsh sound that pierces the air around him._

_“Do you regret…?” He trails off into a coughing fit._

_“I’d do it again,” the other cries, “I’d like to believe that I’d do it again and again and again,”_

_The men hold each other, and cry. This wasn’t meant to happen. It wasn’t meant to be like this. Everything was meant to be alright._

_“What would I do if you had not been my friend?” The older man asks._

_But he’s talking to a corpse._

_And it doesn’t feel real. He can still remember so vividly, the sound of his laugh, the way he danced lazily to the radio as he cooked breakfast, how he would plot with Jason to pull pranks on the rest off the family. All of that… gone in an instant._

_Charlotte dashes in and tells him he needs to leave. But he can’t move. He sits gaping at the thing that was once his lover. He wants to run. To run and to scream and to punch something. Yet at the same time. He. Can’t. Move._

_Marvin hesitates. Giving him one final, silent goodbye._

_Marvin runs._

_He doesn’t know where he’s going. He passes Cordelia. She calls out his name but makes no attempt to stop him. She knows what’s happened._

_Marvin chokes out sobs as he runs. He doesn’t care anymore. He gave him more strength than he could possibly imagine and now he’s gone. Fucking gone._

_Gone. Fuck._

_Why, is the question that Marvin desperately wants the answer to. Why him? He was a good man. A kind man. He was a dad to Jason, a taste-tester for Cordelia, someone Charlotte could bitch with, a lover to Marvin. Out of all the rotten souls in the universe, why was he the man chosen to suffer?_

_He was so brave, to have gone through all this with his head held high._

_As he ran, ignoring the burning in his chest, Marvin decided he no longer believed in God. Because what kind of benevolent God would have made a good man like him suffer?_

_If God was real then he was selfish._

_Selfish._

_Selfishselfishselfishselfishselfishselfishselfishselfish_

_S_  
E  
L  
F  
I  
S  
H 

_Oh._

Oh.

It was just a dream. 

\----------

It’s 4:00 AM. Far too early for anyone in their right mind to be up. But Marvin is up. 

He rolls lazily out of bed and stumbles into the bathroom, making sure to hit the light as he enters. 

Squinting at his reflection in the mirror, he studies the dark circles underneath his bleary eyes, and the harsh red hue of his cheeks. It is not a good look, but then again, Marvin hasn’t cared about his looks since he and Trina had broke up and she immediately started dating Mendel. It isn’t like he cares particularly. Marvin had wanted the breakup too (considering that he had discovered that he was very much into men) but now that he isn’t in a relationship he doesn’t have to worry about whether his hair is sticking up or if he has a spot on his chin. 

That was Mendel’s shit to deal with now.

“Marvin!”

He groans loudly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and deciding to skip out on brushing his teeth today.

“Marvin are you up? Jason is already packed and waiting!” 

It’s too early for shouting and being compared to his eleven-year-old brother. 

“Yes mom!” Marvin calls back, his voice cracking slightly with effort. 

“You’ll need to hurry if you want breakfast!” 

He sighs as he throws on the first hoodie he finds on the floor and scrambles around in his drawers to find a clean pear of underwear, which is particularly hard considering practically all of his clothes are packed away in his suitcase. 

“I’m not really hungry anyway!” Marvin offers, finally finding an old, hole-ridden pair of ‘Star Wars’ boxers that he cringes as he puts on, but will have to do. 

“No breakfast?” His mother shrieks- and Marvin cringes- “Marvy, it’s your first day back you have to have breakfast!”

He rolls his eyes and plods down the stairs- still zipping up his jeans. Marvin gives a quick wave of acknowledgement to his kid brother who is stood obediently by the door with both of their cases. 

Barely conscious, Marvin slumps into the kitchen in order to rummage through the cupboards to get a cereal bar or something. He truly isn’t hungry but he knows his mother will not let him leave the house without having eaten something. 

The harsh, white lights on in the kitchen cause Marvin to recoil. Mornings were bad enough with his shitty nightmares to think about, he didn’t need extra shit like this and a screeching mother to make things worse. He had similar visions every night. He’d feel an ache in his chest and he wouldn’t be able to breathe as he watched him die again and again and again. These nightmares had plagued him for years, even though nothing like this had ever happened to him and he had no idea who the man in his dreams even was.

The vividness of this reoccurring nightmare once had Marvin wake up crying and screaming, and it had taken his mother almost an hour to calm him down, to ensure him it wasn’t real. This episode is what caused Marvin’s mother to force him to see a psychiatrist. The man in question had spoken to Marvin about ‘deeply rooted personal issues’ and ‘past trauma’ being the cause of his troubles. Marvin told him straight up that that was ‘quite frankly bullshit’ because he’d had a fine life and why the fuck else would he have nightmares other than the fact that he clearly had an overactive imagination. 

The psychiatrist insisted that Marvin keep attending sessions though, at least whilst he was home from school, to work on his other quote unquote ‘issues’. Because even Marvin can admit, there’s a lot wrong with him. 

But the issue of the reoccurring nightmare never got solved. So, Marvin’s stuck feeling like shit every morning. 

“It took you long enough Marvy!” His mother exclaims, and Marvin cringes at the pet name. 

“Mom, I just want a quick snack I can take with me, I’m really not in the mood to eat right now,” He groans as he notices the plate of egg and spinach on toast in her hand. 

“But I made your favourite!” She insists, gesturing to the plate. “Is it the nightmare making you feel like this?” She adds in a low and serious tone. 

“Jesus, can we not talk about the fucking nightmare! I’m just not hungry!” Marvin yells as he grabs a snack from the cabinet and slams the door shut.

“Language!” His mother scolds, setting the plate down and moving back in the hall to make sure Jason hadn’t heard any of the cussing (even though he has probably heard it all before.) 

She’s fussing over the younger boy, licking her thumb and then wiping the corners of Jason’s mouth to get rid of any remnants of his breakfast. Marvin shoves the cereal bar into his pocket and plods over to join his family by the door. He instantly regrets yelling at his mother, but knows that she’s already forgiven him. She understands that things are tough on Marvin. She’s too good to him. 

As Marvin approaches she spins to focus on him. 

“Are you sure you’ve got everything packed Marvin?” He nods. “Textbooks? He nods. “Pens and pencils?” He nods. “You’ve got enough underwear, right? And fruit snacks for the flight? Extra fruit snacks in case you wanna make friends?”

“Mom,”

“Take a Capri-sun honey, Jason’s got some and it’s important to stay hydrated whilst flying you know,” 

“Mom,” 

“And make sure you eat properly for heavens sake Marvy! I’ve still got Trina’s number and I’m not afraid to call her to check up on you,” 

Marvin rolls his eyes and doesn’t bother to respond as his mother ushers him and his brother out of the house and into the car to drive to the airport.  
For the duration of the car ride Marvin texts his best friend Charlotte. There is his other best, Cordelia, but Marvin knows for a fact that they are together by now and every message Marvin sends Charlotte is being relayed right on to Cordelia. They’re probably co-conspiring on how to respond to him too. Fucking lesbians. He loves them. 

It awes Marvin how enthusiastic Charlotte (and probably Cordelia too) is about returning to the all Jewish boarding school. Especially with everyone having to get up so early to catch flights to actually get to the school for the 12AM welcoming ceremony. Whose idea was it to have a welcome ceremony anyway? It was a dumb idea and no one ever benefits from it. Not even Jason, whose first year it is attending the school, will get anything useful from listening to the headmaster drone on for an hour and a half. Everything he needs to know about the academy, Marvin has thoroughly briefed him on. 

Most people who lived out of state would fly out to the academy a couple of days before, and not have to deal with the stress of getting up at 4:00 AM for a flight, but with it being Jason’s first year and Marvin’s last year, their mother couldn’t bare letting them go before she had to. She insisted that she spent every possible minute she could with them. Marvin felt as though she was acting as if one of them was going to die. 

Soon enough the car pulls up to the airport and Marvin is the first out so he can haul both his and Jason’s cases out of the trunk. Marvin struggles with the bags all the way up to check-in, where their mother has to leave them.

“Be good, okay my boys?” Her voice cracks, and Marvin knows that both him and Jason will be mortified if she starts crying. She does this every year and it’ll only be amplified now that Jason’s leaving too. 

“We will be mom,” Jason speaks for the both of them, rolling his eyes. And Marvin feels like a very proud big brother in that moment because Jason’s eyeroll looks very much like his. 

They both endure their mother’s suffocating hugs and begin to walk towards the check-in desk. 

“Text me!” She calls after them.

“Every day,” Marvin reassures her.

“And I’m expecting at least a weekly skype call from both of you alright?” 

Marvin feels a sick sort of feeling hit his stomach at her words. He’s only just realising how alone his mother is going to be without him or Jason there at home. He hesitates for a moment, but then drops his bag to give his mother one final hug goodbye. 

“We’ll be fine. I promise mom. I’ll take good care of Jason,” Marvin promises,

“I know, I know,” she takes a shaky breath and composes herself, “Tell Charlotte I say hi, you know I like her,” 

“Yes ma’am,” Marvin chuckles, and moves back to Jason. 

“Get good grades! Don’t you dare have any missing assignments either of you!” She shouts as the brothers begin to move or else they’ll never get on the damned plane. 

“We have to go mom! We’ll call when we get there!” Marvin assures her over his shoulder. 

“Bye mom!” Jason adds as he gets pulled forward by his older brother. 

“Remember to floss!”

\----------

The minute Marvin sits down in his seat he has his headphones on and is attempting to get back to sleep. He feels almost peaceful as the plane takes off, and he’s on the verge of falling asleep until- 

“Ouch!”

“Sorry,” says a sheepish looking Jason who had just poked him in the side. 

“It’s fine kiddo,” Marvin tells him as he tugs an earbud out. He was hoping to sleep through the flight, but he supposed that being a supportive big brother was more important. 

“I’m just… Can you tell me about what it’s like there?” Jason asks softly, and he looks so sweet and nervous that Marvin knew he could not deny this kid anything.

“I don’t know what else I could tell you that I haven’t already,” He admits.

“Do you really have to pray every day?”

“Yes,” 

“And go to temple every week?”

“Yes Jason,” Marvin laughs, “It’s a religious school, what do you expect?”

Jason shrugs and fidgets with a loose thread on his jumper, thinking about his next words carefully.

“What about you? Do people make fun of you there? Like, call you a pansy and stuff?” 

Marvin can’t help but laugh at that. It really is sweet how much his little brother cares about him. He had come out to Jason before he’d come out to his mother, and the kid had asked about fifty million questions before he understood that yes, Marvin was attracted to men and yes, that was why he and Trina had broken up and no, it’s not a sin like some religious fanatics might believe. 

“People don’t really know, because it’s none of their business,” Marvin explained nonchalantly. 

Jason gives a soft “Oh,” and wriggles in his seat to reach down and get his bag to pull his own headphones out.

“Are you nervous?” Marvin blurts out instinctively in his ‘big brother’ protective mode, “about being away from home,”

“I’m excited I guess,” Jason shrugs, “but I’m capable of being alone, so you don’t have to like, babysit me all the time,”

“Don’t you think it’s a little early for your teenage rebellion phase?” Marvin teases. 

Jason giggles a little before jamming his headphones over his ears. Well, that had been a short-lived conversation, and Marvin doesn’t doubt that Jason has more questions but he decides to let it go. He cranks up the volume and focuses far too hard on trying to fall asleep. 

\----------

Before Marvin can even text Charlotte about his arrival, her blonde girlfriend is screeching his name, and then running towards him, and then tackling him to the ground in a hug so fierce it rivals his mother’s. 

They’ve hardly set foot on campus and Marvin has already been tackled by a girl; Jason looks positively terrified. 

“I’m so happy you’re here!” Cordelia exclaims. 

“It’s good to see you too Delia,” Marvin laughs breathlessly as the pretty girl gets to her feet and greets Jason. 

“You must be Jason!” She beams as she sakes his hand, “I’m Cordelia, one of Marvin’s friends,” 

Marvin gives his signature eyeroll as he stands and wipes down his jeans because his kid brother has a face as red as a beetroot and is positively speechless. 

Before Cordelia can continue with the reunion, something buzzes from her pocket and she gives a quiet, surprised squeal as she pulls out a phone with a cute, flower patterned case on it. She taps the screen and holds the phone up to her ear. “Hello? …Oh! Hi!” Her face immediately breaks into a big grin as she realises who’s on the other end, clearly very fond of them. “Yeah, we’ve pretty much just arrived, I’ve literally just dumped all my stuff in my room and left it to unpack later.” Marvin assumes it’s Charlotte. Those two can’t be apart from each other for five seconds without having to check up on each other in some way or another. “I can’t wait to introduce you to Charlotte!” Okay, it’s not Charlotte. “She’s so smart and sweet, like literally the perfect girlfriend.” Marvin can’t help but smile at that. His friends really are the cutest couple. Also, the way Jason’s face fell at the word ‘girlfriend’ was priceless. Delia listens to the person on the other end for a little while, making the odd noise to reassure them she’s listening, before she says, “Oh, I’m sure you’ll really like my friend Marvin!” At the mention of his name the man shoots the small blonde a questioning look, causing her to giggle. “No reason, you two just seem like you’d fit like a glove. He’s sweet and maybe a little rude-“ 

“Hey!” 

“-But nice! Really, he’s as much of a sweetheart as you are,”

Cordelia talks on the phone with the mystery person for a couple more minutes before insisting she has to go and spending way too long saying goodbye and hanging up the call. 

“Who was that?” Marvin inquires. 

“A friend of mine,” She answers sweetly, “He’s starting here this year and he’s pretty nervous about coming here, so you are going to be on your best behaviour around him, okay?” 

Marvin has no choice but to nod in agreement. She may not look it, but Cordelia is not a force to be reckoned with. 

“Now come on, we can’t be late for the welcoming ceremony- and Charlotte is dying to meet Jason!” 

\----------

Marvin eats dinner in the canteen, on his own. Jason has already buddied up with some kids from his year and he ate earlier with them. He sort of envies Jason, it’s much easier to make friends when you’re eleven years old. However, the kid has never had any real friends before, so he can’t help but feel proud. 

Charlotte and Cordelia have gone off campus to get dinner together because they’re both rich enough to afford it, and the only other people Marvin is close enough to have dinner with would be Trina and Mendel, and there’s no way he’s spending his first night back eating with them. 

So, that leaves him alone. It’s not all bad though, there’s another boy sat in the room by himself that Marvin has been subtly checking out. He’s cute, and he has good style, but despite this exterior “I don’t give a fuck,” attitude that he’s putting out, Marvin is close enough to him to see that he’s nervous. He contemplates going to sit with him, but honestly doesn’t have the guts to go over and say hello. 

“You’re new here, aren’t you shitface?” 

The boy is suddenly in the company of the school ‘bullies’. They weren’t very threatening verbally, their insults weren’t particularly intelligent or hurtful, but they sure could pack a fucking punch. 

The boy blinks, and directs his answer to the guy who asked the question. “Yes sir,” he responds, voice dripping with sarcasm. Marvin is impressed at how well he’s keeping his cool, but he can see his leg bouncing anxiously under the table. 

“You look like a fucking faggot,” one of them sneers. The group laugh and jeer and the boy freezes. Marvin should really say something. What, just because he’s wearing a pink shirt and has nice hair that makes him gay? But still, he remains silent, even though his fist his clenched by his side and he’s so fucking ready to explode at these assholes. 

“What’s your name faggot?” another teases.

“Whizzer Brown!”

Silence falls over the room. Heads turn. 

The boy looks Marvin dead in the eye. 

Marvin doesn’t even realise as he brings his hand up to cover his mouth. 

He just yelled the name of the boy he definitely does not know in his place. 

His name is Whizzer.

Marvin had not heard anyone call him this but his name is Whizzer. 

Marvin is so embarrassed and he’s probably going to get beat up for this but his name is Whizzer.

And Marvin cannot explain the immense happiness he feels that this boy is named Whizzer Brown.


	2. Chapter 2

“I mean, it could be worse,” Mendel shrugs as he tries another futile attempt to talk to Marvin, who has no fucking clue how this could be worse. 

As expected he had gotten beat up for blurting out the new kid’s name, which had been- apparently- ‘suspiciously gay’. Marvin’s glad that took the heat off the other kid, but that doesn’t mean the bruises on his face sting any less. Of course, that situation had been so embarrassing that he wouldn’t be surprised if his social standing in the school was now tarnished beyond compare (not like he was very popular anyway, but at least people mostly tolerated him before.) Not to mention to top it all of this year he has to share a room with Mendel fucking Weisenbachfeld and some stranger who was yet to show up. The rooms at the school were for either one, two, three or four people, and every single year Marvin had managed to get a single. Except for this year, where he’s stuck to live with not one, but two people. 

Marvin doesn’t dislike Mendel per se, but anyone can see that it will be a bit fucking awkward having to share a room with your ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend. 

“No offence Mendel, but fuck off,” is all Marvin can muster as he curls up in his blanket. 

“Trina and I are gonna play some Minecraft together later, you’re welcome to join our server if you want?” Mendel offers. 

Marvin scoffs- because of course they play fucking Minecraft together- and turns in his sheets to face away from the other man. “I can honestly say that there’s nothing that sounds less appealing to me right now than playing Minecraft with my ex-girlfriend and my annoying roommate,” 

“You should try it Marvin, it’s actually very therapeutic,” He insists. 

“You can keep your virtual Duplo blocks, I would like to sleep,” 

Giving up on Marvin’s ‘can’t do’ attitude, Mendel sighs and pulls his laptop out to play his stupid game with Trina. 

Marvin buries himself beneath the blanket and hopes to get some rest after this shitty day. 

Much like the plane ride, he gets about five minutes of peace before he hears the door open. There is the sound of footsteps as someone enters the room and Mendel gives a warm greeting. 

Marvin does not want to deal with meeting his new roommate right now. He stays completely still and feigns sleep hoping that the stranger will leave him alone. 

The footsteps move to the side of his bed and he hears the boy coughs softly to get his attention. 

Not today kiddo. 

“Hey- um, listen I’m sorry to bother you… Are you awake?” the stranger asks. 

“He’s awake,” Mendel calls. 

Bastard. 

“Right so uh, I guess I just wanted to introduce myself since y’know, we’re roommates now. And uh- I guess I’m sorry that you got beat up today in the canteen, that sucked,” Great. So, his new roommate had seen the embarrassing altercation, what more could go wrong for Marvin today? “I’m Whizzer, by the way, but I guess you already knew that?”

Marvin bolts up in bed. Shit. 

Of course, the universe hates him so much that his other roommate is the cute boy from the canteen who he had accidentally yelled the name of. Marvin would not be surprised if he ended up dead by the end of this school year. 

And as Marvin looks at him he realises that he’s as handsome up close as at a distance, and he curses God for making his first encounter with this boy so embarrassing. 

“Uh… Marvin,” he introduces himself awkwardly, and offers his hand because what the fuck else is he meant to do in this situation. 

“Oh! You know Delia, right?” Whizzer asks and he shakes Marvin’s hand. 

“Yes!” Marvin answers after a beat, “She told me about you so that’s how I knew your name, I hope that didn’t come off as weird or anything,” The lie rolls off Marvin’s tongue so easily, but he silently thanks God and apologises for any internal cursing he had done before because man that was a great way to clear his name. 

“Well I mean it was kind of fucking weird,” Whizzer laughs, “but I guessed that you knew her or something,”

“Yeah, I mean how else would I know your name?” Marvin joins in with his laughter, and hopes that it doesn’t sound too forced and fake. 

An awkward silence ebbs in after that and Marvin notices Whizzer is playing with his ear. 

“You don’t have to be nervous,” he blurts out, and immediately has the urge to slap his hand against his forehead because why the fuck did he say that. 

Whizzer snatches his hand away from his ear and lets it hover by his side. “Huh?” he questions warily. 

“The- the ear thing…” Marvin explains weakly, “Nervous tick… My- my mother does it too,” And he’s amazed at how easily he’s just lying to this boy. Although he supposes it’s better than the alternative, which is: “Hey! I know we only just met today but I know things about you that I couldn’t possibly know!” 

“Oh right! Was I that obvious?” Whizzer says this in a tone indicating that this interaction will probably be forgotten fairly soon, even though Marvin would be dwelling on this for weeks because how the hell does he know this shit. 

Thankfully, Mendel starts up a new conversation with the boy and Marvin is left in his section of the room to stare into space and think about Whizzer. Marvin wants to scream. He shouldn’t know anything about this boy and yet here he is. The best thing to do in this situation is to stay as far away from Whizzer Brown as possible to avoid any more embarrassing outbursts like the two he had had today. But of course, Marvin doesn’t know how easy that would be considering that they’re roommates now. 

This beautiful man was going to ruin his life.

\----------

It’s been 6 minutes and 23 seconds exactly since the English teacher had given out the vocabulary test and Marvin is still gazing blankly at the test sheet. Fuck, he’d only been back at school for less than a week and already he was going to start failing. 

He wants to do well in this class, and the homework he’s turning in is fine. It’s just that sitting and revising the definition of ‘syntactic parallelism’ is not Marvin’s idea of how to spend his evenings. 

What the hell even is syntactic parallelism? Marvin is 90% sure that that was a math term, but he’s failing that class too so that wouldn’t help him anyway. 

Everyone else in the class was still scribbling down their answers, apart from a couple of people who are sat back, apparently having finished the quiz. Marvin needs to hurry the fuck up. 

He looks desperately over to Trina, who of course is already finished. She catches his eye and gives him a quick look of pity, before turning over her test sheet defiantly so that no one can see her answers. 

Marvin wants to cry. He is truly and utterly fucked. Looking around frantically, he tries to make eye contact with anyone else in the vicinity that he knows. Swivelling around in his seat, his eyes linger on Whizzer Brown, who’s sat a little bit behind him, hair flopping over his forehead as he bends over his test paper, scrawling down his answers eagerly. 

He should look away, he needs to be focusing on his test paper and not on his pretty roommate who appears to be doing extremely well in this class as opposed to him. All of a sudden, Whizzer looks up from his paper and meets Marvin’s gaze. He flushes red, embarrassed to be caught staring but before he can look away Whizzer smirks at him and raises an eyebrow before gesturing to the test sheet.

It takes him a couple of seconds before he gets it. He’s asking if Marvin knows the answers. 

Marvin shakes his head shamefully and hopefully looks pitiful enough that Whizzer will have some mercy and help him out. 

‘Want help?’ the other boy mouths, and Marvin glances quickly at the teacher (who was hunched over her computer) to make sure he wouldn’t be seen, before nodding eagerly. Whizzer, the absolute angel that he is, passes his whole test paper over to Marvin. 

‘Thank you,’ Marvin mouths back dramatically, and he takes a moment to revel in the grin that evokes from Whizzer before rushing to fill out his own paper. He notices Trina watching this scene unfold disapprovingly, but can’t find it in him to care because her opinion of him doesn’t matter anymore. 

Marvin manages to messily get down his answers and pass Whizzer’s test back as discreetly as he can before the papers are collected in about two minutes later. 

“Thank you so much,” Marvin sighs, catching up with Whizzer after the lesson ended. 

“You’re welcome,” the other boy shrugs, “I saw that girl totally ignore your plea for help and decided I should do my one good deed for the day,”

“Trina and I have a… complicated relationship,” Marvin admits. 

“I can see that,” Whizzer laughs, “But seriously though, I’ll help you out in English any time. So long as you help me out in Religious Studies?” 

“You’ve come to the right guy for that, Whizzer Brown, I’ve been able to get consistent A+s in that class for three years straight,” Marvin boasts, “And the teacher likes me because I’m the only kid in her class who doesn’t make fun of her. If she sees you with me she’ll boost your grade up no problem,” 

“Well then thank you. My parents actually sent me to this school so that I can learn more about Judaism. I’m only half Jewish and I’m gay so my mom especially feels like she’s done something wrong bringing me up… Sorry, that’s probably too much information,” Whizzer admits. 

“No, no it’s okay,” Marvin reassures him, “I mean I am too. Gay- that is,”

“I feel like I somehow knew that,” Whizzer laughs. 

Marvin folds his arms, “Because you helped me out on that test I’m going to take that as a compliment,” 

“Anyway,” Whizzer sighs, “I guess my grades in academic subjects don’t really matter in the long run, I just want to keep my folks happy, since I’m planning on going to drama school too,”

Marvin halts. “How did you know I want to go to drama school?”

Whizzer spins to face Marvin with a similar confused expression. “You told me.”

“No, I didn’t. I’ve literally never told anyone here that,” 

They stare at each other and stay silent, despite being in the middle of a crowded hallway. Whizzer’s hand moves up to play with his ear. 

“Uh, I have a class now so…” Whizzer trails off, hardly able to speak. 

“Yeah, right, uh, see you later?”

He nods before dashing off to get to his next class, leaving Marvin stood alone and confused in the middle of the corridor. 

Whizzer had just told Marvin something he could not have possibly known about him. Was this a mutual thing then? How much did Whizzer know about him? Why was this happening? 

Marvin runs all the way back to his room. He needs to lie down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm sorry that this chapter is kind of short and also not the greatest thing I've written, but I'm really pleased with how the next chapter turned out which I'll probably be posting on Wednesday, so stay tuned for that! I also want to say thanks for all the positive comments I've gotten on this story so far- it's actually made me so happy that people are enjoying this already!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually really like this chapter, I put a lot of work into it! I'm about halfway through writing chapter four and I'm hoping to get it out by the end of the week, but I can't promise. I'm telling you though, it's gonna be a good one

_They never talk after they do these things. So then why is he trying to strike up a conversation now?_

_He lies across the bed from Marvin and reaches out to play with his hair. Marvin’s instinct is to pull away. Tell him to stop, tell him to get out of his house and leave him be. But he does none of these things. He lets the handsome man touch him in a way that feels far more intimate than the sex they had just had. That’s what this was meant to be about. Meaningless sex. But here he is allowing himself to be touched in a way that was… caring._

_“I hope you don’t mind me saying this,” He begins, and Marvin can tell that he definitely is going to mind whatever he says. “But you’re not a strong person,”_

_Marvin exhales, not knowing how to respond. He had hit the nail right on the head. Despite Marvin’s confident exterior he definitely is not strong at all. Most nights he wants to curl up into a ball and sob because he is living a fucking lie._

_“That’s not a bad thing though,” he adds, which takes Marvin by surprise. He’s smiling softly, and Marvin has noticed that he always tends to smile in some way or another, even when they fight. But this smile was genuine. Not like the plastered-on smirk that he holds to hide his hurt whenever Marvin says something particularly mean to him._

_His eyes smile with him in this moment, and Marvin feels guilt pooling in his stomach because he does not deserve a look so kind. He’s brought another man into his wife’s bed for fucks sake, he does not deserve happiness._

_And that look makes Marvin want to cry because he realises that he’s falling in love. And he doesn’t want to fall in love because that makes him vulnerable. He’ll give this man all of his trust even though he knows it’ll be thrown right back into his face._

_“It makes you kinder. More sensitive than most people I’ve ever known. Sure, you’re a real jerk sometimes, but I know you don’t mean it. You’re not strong enough to truly be mean,”_

_What can Marvin say to that? He’s not nice he knows that. He’s cheating on his wife, lying to his son, bringing another man into the destruction of his tight-knit family. He’s a dick. He screams and shouts when things don’t go his way. He’s a failure of a human. He’s cruel. He’ll do anything he can to get what he wants, and screw whoever has to suffer as a consequence of his actions._

_But here’s a man, smiling his stupid, pretty smile despite all of that._

_“I think that’s why I keep coming back to you,”_

_Maybe Marvin can change, if he knows that someone believes in him._

\----------

“Marvin?”

He doesn’t move. 

“Marvin!”

He cracks open an eye to see Mendel looming over him. 

“Your alarm went off ages ago and you slept right through.” He doesn’t offer a response. “I figured I should wake you up or you’ll be late,” 

Marvin sits up groggily and tries to process what exactly is going on. His clothes are sticking to his sweaty body and his head is spinning. Typical post-sleep attributes. Except, he’d had a new dream last night, or at least he was pretty sure he hadn’t seen that scene before. It was a lot calmer than whatever he usually has nightmares of, but it still had left Marvin with a horrible sick feeling in his guts. 

For some reason, he feels sad. 

“Are you crying?” Mendel asks, and Marvin realises that yes, yes, he is crying. 

“No.” He insists, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve, because trust Mendel, the nosiest person he knows, to find him crying after a stupid dream. 

Wisely, Mendel decides to drop it, because he knows all too well how cranky Marvin can get in the morning. 

He looks around the room and sees that Mendel and Whizzer are both fully dressed, whilst he is still sitting in bed. How late had he slept in? 

Whizzer throws Marvin a “good morning” as he tries to get out of bed. The whole world feels like it’s spinning as he stands up, and he fears that he might throw up if he opens his mouth. Instead, he offers Whizzer a shaky smile before chugging the glass of water he keeps by his bed. 

Mendel leaves as Marvin is in the middle of changing (it’s another one of those ‘throw on whatever he can find’ days) giving some sort of excuse about wanting to see Trina before class. Whizzer, however, lounges patiently on his bed whilst Marvin throws on a red hoodie that probably needs a wash. 

“Ready?” Whizzer asks as Marvin finally manages to tie the laces on his sneakers. 

“You didn’t have to wait for me,” Marvin states pointedly. It comes off a little rude but it’s early and he doesn’t quite understand. Now they were both going to be late, and Whizzer was ready ages ago. 

“What, can I not be a good person and wait for my friend to get ready so he doesn’t have to walk alone?” He answers, clearly caught off guard by Marvin’s bluntness

Marvin feels like such an ass. But still he doesn’t get it. People generally don’t like Marvin. Even Mendel, who Marvin has known for years, doesn’t really like him, they just tolerate each other’s company because they don’t have anyone else. But here’s Whizzer, being genuinely nice and waiting for Marvin even though it’ll make him late. Marvin begins to consider the fact that Whizzer might have ulterior motives here. Maybe he wants his money or maybe he even wants to sleep with him. But even if he did want something off him, Whizzer was being… really nice. 

“Yeah, thanks,” Marvin mutters shamefully, “I’m sorry,” 

Whizzer grins and it’s like all is forgiven as they stroll to the main school building together, acting awfully leisurely considering the fact that they are already ten minutes late. They walk mostly in silence, taking in the fresh air. Marvin doesn’t particularly want to start up a conversation, still embarrassed about snapping at the boy, but Whizzer starts talking anyway. 

“Kinda weird how we just know stuff about each other, huh?” 

Marvin feels his heart start to accelerate because dammit he did not want to talk about this ever, at all, and especially not this early in the morning. He had been hoping that Whizzer, like him, would just want to ignore this and carry on with his life, but apparently not. 

“Y-yeah I guess,” Marvin stammers, purposefully giving short answers so that this conversation would not have to progress. 

“It’s pretty crazy,” He notes, “You know anything else about me, Mr Psychic?” His tone is light and Marvin doesn’t understand how he isn’t totally freaked out by this. 

Marvin raises an eyebrow and glances over at the other boy. “I’m not psychic and I don’t just know things about you, that’d be insane,” 

Whizzer is still looking at him expectantly though and to his horror Marvin realises that he actually does know something about Whizzer that he’s never told him. “You- Your favourite colour is green,” he ventures, “And you’re allergic to lavender oil,” 

“That’s so cool! You’re totally right!” And as genuinely impressed as Whizzer sounds, Marvin can’t help but feel like he’s got to be patronising him. “Maybe we really are, like, psychically connected,” Whizzer jokes. At least, Marvin hopes it’s a joke, because although Whizzer might think this is incredibly exciting, Marvin is absolutely terrified. 

“Okay, now about you…” Whizzer begins, and Marvin fights the urge to run because he really doesn’t want Whizzer to crawl inside his head right now. “You… have very low self-esteem. You don’t think you’re a good person.” Whizzer frowns and Marvin begins to grit his teeth because he’s having his deep, personal feelings being thrown at him at quarter past nine in the fucking morning. “For the record, I think you’re a nice guy Marv, you shouldn’t doubt yourself so much,” he adds before continuing on, “and uh, I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you’re not a strong person,” And Marvin goes to protest because who the fuck does Whizzer think he is for saying all of this? Before he can get a word in Whizzer goes on, “that’s not a bad thing though.”

“Listen, Whizzer, I’m not really in the mood to be psychoanalysed right now. Can we just head to class?” Marvin interrupts because he’s scared of what Whizzer’s going to say next if he continues to talk. 

“It makes you kinder. More sensitive than most people I’ve ever known. Sure, you’re a real jerk sometimes, but I know you don’t mean it. You’re not strong enough to truly be mean,” Whizzer ignores him and continues to talk, his eyes soften and he begins to smile with genuine kindness. For some reason Marvin feels tears begin to well in his eyes because he recognises that look, that sweet, kind look that Whizzer is giving him and Marvin thinks he might actually vomit if Whizzer says the next thing too because this is all wrong. This shouldn’t be happening.

“I think that’s why I keep coming back to you,”

No. 

Oh God no this is too weird. He wants this all to stop.

Knowing he wanted to go to drama school was one thing, but quoting his fucking dreams at him?

“Hurry up, we’re late enough as it is,” and Marvin breaks into a run because this is scary.

“Hey! Wait up!” Whizzer calls after him, and Marvin doesn’t look to see if he’s following. 

\----------

True to his word, Whizzer did help Marvin out with his English work a lot. This was one of the few perks of being roommates as it was easy for them both to curl up together on Whizzer’s bed and work through whatever Marvin was struggling with. And luckily, they both managed to go three weeks without accidentally blurting out any weird or obscure facts about the other. 

“Come on Marv, you have to know this one,” Whizzer insists as they sit together one night. “Give me a quotation for why Macbeth hesitates to murder Duncan.”

“’He’s here in double trust’?” Marvin sighs. They’ve been going over the text for hours and Marvin is so ready to go to sleep. 

“You could have gone into a little more detail, but good. A quote that shows Lady Macbeth’s guilt?” 

“What will these hands ne’er be clean.” He feels his eyes begin to droop.

“Who is Banquo’s son?”

“Fleance,”

“And why did Shakespeare write the play?”

“To spite future English students?”

“Marvin!” 

He suddenly becomes alert as Whizzer throws his copy of the text at his head. 

“Ouch!” Marvin exclaims.

“You should pay attention during my revision sessions then,” Whizzer teases, but his smug smirk is quickly replaced with a look of concern. “I didn’t actually hurt you right?” 

“No, it just shocked me that’s all,” he says defensively, even though it did really hurt. 

Whizzers smirk returns and he gives Marvin a playful punch on the shoulder, “Apart from that last question, you did pretty good. You should be fine for the test, but if you’re not you can’t copy off me again. Not with the excellent tutoring you’ve been getting.” 

“Fair enough,” Marvin laughs, hoping to convey how much he genuinely appreciates the help. 

“And remember the quotes that we highlighted together. If you make sure to absolutely memorise those ones then you should be able to get them into any essay no matter what the question is,”

Whizzer continues to talk about ways he can prepare for the test, but Marvin just listens to his voice, not hearing the words that he’s saying. His voice is sweet and warm, and whenever Marvin hears it he feels like he’s safe and at home. But when he really listens to Whizzer’s voice he feels a certain sadness. He can’t explain it, but he feels like he needs to appreciate every aspect of this man before it’s too late. And Marvin doesn’t know what will happen by the time it’s ‘too late’. So, he relaxes. He listens to the way he stresses certain words, the pronunciation of others, and he thinks that this is nice. 

And his blanket is really comfortable… And the warmth of Whizzer’s body next to his is…

And he feels… very… t i r e d…

\----------

The next thing Marvin knows is he’s jolting awake. He looks around wildly to get his bearings- which does no good because the room is pitch black. It has to be really late at night which leaves Marvin to try and recall what on earth happened before this awakening. 

Shit. He realises that he must have fallen asleep on Whizzer’s bed while they were studying together. Although, he’s not in Whizzer’s bed anymore. He’s somehow in… his own bed? And Marvin feels his face begin to flush as he realises that Whizzer must have carried him to his own bed and tucked him in. 

Marvin exhales and wriggles around in his bed a little to try and get in a position where he’s comfortable to go back to sleep. His eyes flutter shut but he realises that there’s no way he’s going to be able to sleep with that background noise. Wait. What is that noise? 

Opening his eyes again, they soon adjust in the darkness to see two figures whispering to each other: Whizzer and Mendel. 

He goes still and even quietens down his breathing as to not alert his roommates that he’s awake. And, Marvin feels kinda bad, listening in on what is obviously a conversation he is not meant to hear, but is it really eavesdropping if they do it right in front of you? 

“Marvin?” he catches Mendel whisper, and he feels himself tense because why the hell were they talking about him in the middle of the night? If it’s shit talking then Marvin swears to all that’s holy he’s going to request a room transfer. 

“Yeah,” Whizzer replies, in a voice so soft it makes Marvin’s heart flutter- until he remembers that they’re talking about him and this is no time to be swooning. 

Mendel makes a noise of surprise, and Marvin doesn’t quite catch what he says next but it doesn’t sound like gossip. In fact, he sounds kind of pleased. 

They speak for a little longer, their tones low and quiet so that Marvin can only catch certain words of their conversation. It’s absolutely infuriating- Marvin has always been one of those people that wants to know every single detail about every situation, so knowing that his roommates were up at two in the fucking morning talking about something that was to do with him makes him uneasy. And although Marvin wouldn’t put it past Whizzer to be a gossip, Mendel certainly wouldn’t. Plus, Marvin feels as though they’ve been getting along really well, for once he hasn’t done anything that would warrant people talking about him behind his back. 

As his eyes adjust even further and he sees Whizzer’s dejected form murmur something like: “doubt it” and Mendel leans forward and replies in a hopeful and insistent tone. They go silent for a while and Marvin reckons that they’ve finished their conversation. He turns flat on his back and gazes up at the ceiling, feeling very confused. 

And then he begins to worry if he’s upset Whizzer. Oh God. Marvin admits that he can get a bit brutal with his banter but Whizzer can dish it out as well as he takes it. He really did like him and he couldn’t forgive himself if he’d already ruined their relationship. 

It takes Marvin a very long time to get back to sleep with his mind swimming with anxiety. 

\----------

They stand outside the door of the English classroom. For once they manage to make it early and so Whizzer decides to give him one last pep talk before the test. “Remember the highlighted quotations, Marv. If you get a couple of those in then you’re bound to do fine.” 

He relays the key points of the story by Marvin, who for once is feeling pretty confident about an English test, despite the fact that he still felt sick because of the conversation he had overheard last night. Whizzer was right though, the support that he had given Marvin was pretty amazing. 

Still, he noticed that Whizzer hadn’t actually been treating him any different since that start of the year, so whatever it was couldn’t be that bad right? Unless he’s extremely good at hiding it (he did want to be an actor.) But Marvin doubts that. The only thing that Marvin has actually noticed was that Whizzer doesn’t tend to interact with him whilst he’s changing of a morning. Not that Marvin cared about that, maybe he was just shy, but it didn’t seem to bother him a few weeks ago. 

Whatever. He’s probably looking too deep into this. 

“Well, I guess you’re just about ready for this Marv,” Whizzer beams. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” He replies with a huff. 

“You’re gonna be fine Marvin, I promise,” Whizzer reassures him before pulling him in for a hug. And Marvin has to admit, it’s nice. Whizzer is warm and his clothes are soft and he smells good and Marvin could potentially stay like this for a while until he realises that this is a really long hug and people are probably staring and oh my God why isn’t he letting go?

“Whizzer? We actually have to go to class you know?”

Whizzer jerks away from him as if he was burning, and his face flushes with colour. “Yeah, I know,” He laughs awkwardly, “Sorry, my- my family give really long hugs so I didn’t realise- uh… Let’s just go in,” and he darts into the classroom to sit down without even waiting for Marvin. 

He wants to tell Whizzer that it’s fine, that it doesn’t matter, until he realises as he takes his seat that Whizzer lied. Whizzer hasn’t hugged either of his parents for years and he doesn’t know any of his other family.

Once again, Marvin feels like a massive asshole. He rises from his seat to go and apologise to Whizzer (because really, what harm could a hug cause?) but is forced to sit back down with the entrance of the teacher. 

The test sheets are handed out and Marvin’s soul is lifted as he realises that he actually knows how to answer this question, all because of Whizzer Brown. 

He still doesn’t know what he did to deserve that boy. He’s not nice he knows that. He’s a dick. He screams and shouts when things don’t go his way. He’s a failure of a human. He’s cruel. He’ll do anything he can to get what he wants, and screw whoever has to suffer as a consequence of his actions. 

But here’s a man, smiling his stupid, pretty smile despite all of that. 

Maybe Marvin can change, if he knows that someone believes in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm..... I wonder what Mendel and Whizzer could have possibly been talking about....


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out so much longer than I originally planned it to be, but I love it and I hope that you guys do too!

You know those movies set in high schools that always have that shot of the most popular kid in school walking down the hallway in slow motion? Marvin feels that level of confidence as he saunters over to the lunch table. 

As he approaches, he throws down his test paper in the middle of everyone and announces: “I passed!” Grinning with pride at the paper that had a glorious “C+” circled in red at the top. 

Whizzer scans the paper momentarily, and for a split-second Marvin’s heart shatters because oh god what if Whizzer thinks that his grade is shitty and that tutoring him had been a waste of time? 

All these doubts are soon dissolved as Whizzer stands up and gives Marvin a grin with enthusiasm that matches his own. “That’s so great Marvin! I’m super proud!”

Everyone else peers over the paper and give varying congratulatory comments. Trina, gives him a polite but rather patronising smile, and Marvin can only assume it’s because _she_ always gets As in English. “Well done Marvin. Did you find a way to smuggle in notes? Since I didn’t see you copying off Whizzer this time,” 

Marvin grits his teeth and bares it because he promised himself that wasn’t going to pick fights with people (namely Trina and Mendel) this year. “No Trina, I actually studied,” he informs her, “And Whizzer was a huge help,” he turns back to the boy, “Thanks again, I don’t know when you’re gonna stop saving my ass in that class,” Marvin laughs. 

“When I start passing religious studies, I’ll consider the debt paid,” Whizzer teases, and Marvin doesn’t answer because he notices that Charlotte and Cordelia have matching- and very suspicious- grins upon their faces. Whizzer follows his eyeline and scowls at the two girls, his face growing significantly warmer. He takes his seat again and gives Charlotte (who Whizzer had become fast friends with) a dig in her side, before returning to eat his food very meticulously. 

The girls giggle and Mendel and Trina share a knowing look which pisses Marvin off infinitely because apparently everyone here knows something that he doesn’t. Like, what was there something on his face? That was a dumb thought. Marvin knows this is all to do with the conversation he overheard between Whizzer and Mendel. 

“So, you guys have been studying together?” Charlotte asks, stressing the word ‘studying’ in a way that Marvin does not care for. 

“That sounds like fun, you guys,” Cordelia adds, and Marvin does not know what the hell that’s supposed to mean because studying has never been fun in the history of ever. 

Whizzer chokes slightly on his sandwich and glares up at everyone again, “Seriously, guys. Shut up,” He mumbles, earning a snort from Charlotte. 

“I’m serious, Charlotte and I… _study_ \- all the time. Personally, I think it’s great fun,” Delia continues, which earns a loud bark of laughter from Charlotte. 

“Leave Whizzer alone, he’ll do it in his own time,” Mendel says softly. 

“Mendel!” Whizzer exclaims, burying his face in his hands. 

“Do what?” Marvin asks, hoping that at least one of his friends will give him some sort of answer. No one does though, as a chorus of “nothings” and laughs follow his question, as Whizzer looks like he’s seriously considering going over to the nearest wall and bashing his head against it. 

His fingers twitch with irritation at his sides, sick of being left out of the circle. Part of him wants to stalk away and show them all that they’ve upset him, and yet he still wants to stay to find out exactly what’s going on. “Should I leave?” He questions, clearly irritated. 

“No!” Whizzer answers, “These guys are just being assholes,” and that last word is directed particularly at Mendel. 

“Whizzer, come and chat with me for a second,” Mendel insists, and Whizzer stands with a sigh and throws Marvin an apologetic glance before being lead out of the room by Mendel.

“So, does anyone want to tell me what the hell’s going on, or am I just going to be stood here looking like an idiot until this dies down?” Marvin demands. 

“We really can’t tell you Marvin, I’m sorry,” Trina sighs and goes back to picking at her salad. 

And that is what sets Marvin off. Because Trina, whom he had spent the better part of two years telling everything to, suddenly decides that this one little thing is worth keeping from Marvin for what? Some guy who’s only been a part of their friendship group for little over a month and the better judgement of her pretentious boyfriend? No. Marvin likes Whizzer but this cannot be worth more than his feelings. Fuck not starting fights with Trina. He’s mad. 

“Well, no. You actually could tell me _Trina_ , given that we’re supposed to be friends despite our disastrous breakup. And clearly it’s something that concerns me because you all keep looking at me like- like that and I don’t think it’s fucking fair that I am the only person in this situation that doesn’t know why Whizzer is clearly fucking upset!” The three girls left at the table stare at Marvin guiltily, but still no one even attempts to come up with an excuse for their shitty behaviour. “You guys are fucking assholes for not telling me!” and he notices that his harsh tone causes Cordelia to flinch but he can’t bring himself to stop now because he knows he’s right. He deserves the truth. “I fucking heard Mendel and Whizzer talking about me in the middle of the fucking night, so I know that this is my business and you guys are making me look really stupid standing here whilst you’re all cracking these jokes and he’s getting all embarrassed and then that- that weird statement that Mendel made? I mean Jesus, you guys are acting as if he fucking like-“

Marvin halts, his breath catching in his throat as it finally clicks. 

“Oh, my fucking God. Whizzer likes me.” 

Whizzer Brown has a crush on him. 

Marvin gets a funny feeling in his stomach as he lowers himself into a seat, shocked by the sudden realisation. 

“There it is,” Cordelia whispers, and Marvin can’t believe that no one’s laughing. Stupid Marvin once again gets mad over something and then realises he’s wrong half way through yelling at everyone. 

But Marvin can hardly think because holy shit, Whizzer likes him. Whizzer actually… Likes him? Everything makes so much more sense now but Marvin can’t get over the fact that Whizzer actually wants to date him of all people. And Marvin can’t believe that he didn’t figure this out sooner. 

Why, is the question Marvin desperately wants the answer to. Why him? He’s an asshole, proven by his outburst not one minute ago. Plus, his tendency to say things as bluntly as he can makes him generally unlikeable- hence why he only has two friends, two acquaintances and now Whizzer… Marvin doesn’t even know what category he fits into anymore. Not to mention his arrogance, self-importance and general awfulness. 

Marvin knows Whizzer well enough to be certain that he wouldn’t fall for a guy based on looks (and Marvin is certain he isn’t much to look at anyway) and clearly this wasn’t him wanting a friends with benefits type of situation either. Marvin can ponder over the reasons until the cows come home but there was one fatal question that needs answering: does Marvin like Whizzer? 

Whizzer is nice albeit indiscreet. He’s smart and he helps Marvin out with English. His sense of style is admittedly incredible, and Marvin has often found himself marvelling over Whizzer’s outfits. Marvin likes to look at him in English class, even though it’s uncomfortable to turn around in his seat and he often gets told off for not paying attention. Marvin admires the way his perfectly styled hair flops delicately over his forehead when he bends over his work. Also, the way he sticks his tongue out when he’s trying to figure out the answer to a particularly difficult question…

Yes, Whizzer, Whizzer Brown, he cares. 

Footsteps are heard and Marvin snaps out of fantasising about everything he loves about Whizzer (and Marvin hadn’t realised that it is a lot) to see Mendel practically pushing Whizzer towards the table. 

By the uncomfortable look on his face, and the determined look on Mendel’s, Marvin realises that Whizzer might be about to ask him out. And he’s startled at the way that he’s practically saying yes even though he hasn’t even been asked yet. 

Whizzer stumbles forward, sweating and his hair flopping just the way that Marvin loves, and he’s embarrassed to admit that although he’s never seen Whizzer look so nervous, it’s really quite endearing. 

He takes one look at Marvin and immediately turns back to Mendel. “No. Fuck- Mendel I can’t. You don’t understand, I just- I can’t-“

“Just do it like we rehearsed, Whizzer,” Mendel reassures him. 

“It’s not the same Mendel! I can’t do it!” He lets out a groan of frustration at himself, and Marvin can see that Whizzer is close to giving in. 

“Hey, Whizzer?” He hears himself saying as he stands up, not having any clue what to say next but knowing that he has to comfort the boy, “I… Whatever it is you have to say… I’m ready to listen,” 

He hopes that those words are reassuring, but just in case Marvin gives him the softest and most comforting smile he can muster despite his own nerves.

Whizzer takes a visibly deep breath, as opposed to Charlotte and Cordelia who are clutching each other’s hands and holding their breaths in anticipation. 

“I’ve… been wanting to say this for a while now, and uh- I guess I don’t know how else to do it apart from just coming out and saying so… I guess that’s what I’m gonna do?” He takes another shaky breath whilst he collects his nerves before bursting out with: “I guess I really like you? B-but like, not in a friendship way, in like a… a Charlotte-Cordelia way,” 

Cordelia lets out a squeak of pride for her friend whereas Charlotte quirks an eyebrow at the use of their relationship in Whizzer’s speech. 

“You know, I thought you’d be a lot better at asking people out,” Marvin blurts out, and he finds himself almost face palming because this poor boy has just bore his heart for all to see and Marvin has to reply with a snarky response like that.

“I know,” Whizzer huffs miserably, “I guess what I mean- what I’m trying to say is-“

“I’ll go out with you,” Marvin interrupts. 

“Wait, what?” 

“I said I’ll go out with you. I mean, I’d really like to go out with you… I guess I’m not very good at this either,” He laughs breathily and gasps of happiness come from everyone else sitting at the table. 

“You- you really…?” Whizzer whispers. 

“Yeah, I really do,” Marvin replies, his volume matching Whizzer’s, and the boy flings himself forward to hug Marvin, almost toppling him over with the force. But he doesn’t care, he just laughs because oh my God Whizzer is his boyfriend. They hold each other for a ridiculously long time- and this time Marvin doesn’t complain. 

It’s Whizzer who breaks away first and looks at Marvin with pink cheeks and a big grin. “So, are we like, a couple now?” 

If you’d have told Marvin that he’d end up dating guy who got him beat up on the first day of school, then he would have called you crazy. But here they were. A couple. “I guess so,” Marvin responds, thankful for the fact that the rest of the group have gone back to eating so were only half paying attention to the new couple. Marvin does not want to have to deal with their commentary right now. 

Whizzer’s grin grows even larger. “I genuinely didn’t think you’d say yes,” He admits, “So I guess we should organise a date now? If- if you want to, I mean,” 

“Yeah, I mean, I guess a date is the next logical step,” Not true. Marvin and Trina had their first date months into them being an item, and the only got together in the first place because they had slept with each other and supposed that they had to be in a relationship because of that. But Marvin was not going to have that sort of relationship with Whizzer. “So long as there’s no-“ Marvin lowers his voice so that only Whizzer can hear, “weird facts-about-each-other stuff, you know?” 

“I don’t understand why you hate it so much,” Whizzer huffs, “But sure, I promise. So, can I take you out for dinner on Saturday? Or, if you want to do it another day that’s fine too,”

Whizzer wants to take him out for food? He really knows how to get to Marvin’s heart. “That sounds great Whizzer,” 

“Cool!”

“Cool,”

And then there’s a bit of an awkward silence wherein Marvin actually realises that he’s going on a date. Like a romantic date. Does he get Whizzer flowers? Will Whizzer get him flowers? Are they going to kiss? Should they kiss? 

“So… I have to get to math now so I should…” Whizzer jerks his thumb backwards indicating that he needs to leave. 

“Yeah, sure, uh, see you later,” Marvin dismisses, still hung over on the fact that him and Whizzer might kiss. 

\----------

“I will absolutely not let you exchange phone numbers with my mom!” Marvin exclaims. 

After two weeks of stressing over whether his mother would accept Whizzer or not, he finally worked up the courage to introduce the two over skype and she had immediately loved him, making comments like “Oh Marvy he’s so stylish!” and “Such good manners! You make a good match for my son.”

Whizzer had basked in the attention and totally sucked up to him mom, and Marvin could just about bare it until he had said: “I really think I should give you my number, just in case there’s anything about Marvin we need to discuss.” His mother had responded eagerly to this proposal, before Marvin hurriedly said his goodbyes and hung up on his mother. 

Their first date had gone about as well as Marvin had expected. It was weird and awkward and neither of them really knew what to do. Despite having dated Trina for two years, Marvin was shit at relationships, and he was sure nearly none of the knowledge he had gained from that relationship would be transferrable over to this relationship. There was a whole bunch of reasons for this but most notably, Whizzer was a guy while Trina certainly was not. 

They had sat across each other in a booth at a cheap diner not far off campus, and when they were not in the long, uncomfortable moments of silence, nerves would cause Marvin to talk so fast about random shit that no one cared about that what he was saying was pretty much incoherent. He’d even ended up telling Whizzer about the time that he got pushed off a fort in nursery school and as a result got a scar on the back of his head that he’ll probably have forever. So, all in all, some great first date material. 

Not long after this story the food arrived and Marvin was very thankful because who the hell could fuck up eating food?

Marvin and Whizzer that’s who. 

Ordering a plate of ribs to share was a huge mistake. They began to eat in silence, both of them too scared to talk in case the other had food in their mouth. Most of Marvin’s food didn’t even end up in his mouth, it was predominantly on his hands, face, under his fingernails and somehow, he even managed to get some in his hair. He still tried to play it cool though, maybe if he didn’t make a big deal out of it then Whizzer wouldn’t notice (and that was a load of bullshit.) 

If that wasn’t bad enough, they both ended up reaching for the very last rib at the same time, messy fingertips brushing awkwardly against each other, and oh God it was definitely much less romantic than the movies make it out to bed. Their hands snatched away in unison and thus began the: you can have it- oh no you- no I insist- honestly, I- just eat it- I don’t want to you- I’m serious Marvin you- just eat the fucking rib Whizzer. 

It was that last one that caused Whizzer to accept defeat and eat the damned thing. 

But of course, fate was not done with the pair yet, oh no. After finishing off the last rib, Whizzer excused himself to wash his hands in the bathroom and as he tried to wriggle out of the seat (which was much too close to the table) his hand flew out and knocked Marvin’s drink over- right onto the man himself. 

Whizzer profusely apologised as they both attempted to clean up the mess on and around Marvin, and by this point they were both one more incident away from breaking down. 

It was hard for either of them to actually enjoy the date after all that had happened, and so they ended up leaving a large tip for the trouble they had caused and trudged back to their dorm. 

“I don’t even like this t-shirt anyway,” Marvin said, attempting to lighten the mood.

“Me neither, it’s pretty ugly,” Whizzer joked, before immediately turning back into remorseful mode, “I’m sorry if I ruined our date.” He apologised for the fifteen hundredth time that evening.

“I told you about my childhood fort trauma, I’m pretty sure that’s when it all started going downhill,” Marvin laughed, shivering in his still-wet shirt. “I’m pretty sure things can’t get much worse than that though, so if you think about it, things are just going to get better after this.” He stated.

“You actually want to keep this going after that fiasco?” Whizzer asked.

“You… don’t?” Marvin replied, becoming painfully aware that he’d been awfully presumptuous with that last statement. Whizzer had probably just realised that dating Marvin would be nothing but trouble and that he should just call this whole thing off. 

“No, I do! I really do Marvin, I was just worried that you had lost interest in me after all that,” he broke into a big grin and nervously reached out to hold his hand, which Marvin was all too glad about. 

“I don’t know about you, but in retrospect that whole thing was hilarious. And I can assure you I’ll never forget it. Plus, it’ll be a great story to tell Charlotte and Cordelia, they thrive off laughing at me,” Marvin assured him. 

Marvin still wasn’t quite sure what happened next and how they ended up in such a situation. All he knew was one minute they were walking and then they were not and then Marvin was leaning up and Whizzer was leaning down, their hands that weren’t intertwined were on the other’s shoulder and they were… kissing. 

And it wasn’t like those intense, deep first kisses that you always see in movies. Whizzer’s lips were soft and light and Marvin was way too self-conscious about the fact that he probably still had sauce on his face to push the kiss any further, but it was a good kiss nonetheless. A nice kiss. 

As they pulled away they had matching smiles on their faces and Marvin thought that that was what heaven must feel like; the bliss of being held in your lover’s arms after a gentle kiss. They began to walk again in silence, Marvin occasionally sneaking glances at Whizzer, who was smiling dreamily at the ground. Yeah. That was definitely what heaven felt like. 

And Marvin was right about one thing: things had gotten much better since their first date. The multiple dates proceeding had been nothing short of wonderful, and their kisses had become much more natural every time. The original awkwardness that had been hovering since Whizzer’s confession had all but disappeared, and they had gone back to being snarky, and teasing each other all the time. It was almost like nothing had changed.

Apart from the fact that they now make out. A lot. 

As stated prior, the couple were currently having a faux argument over Marvin’s mother. Marvin knows by the smirk on Whizzer’s face however, that this argument would be ending in a way that was favourable for both of them. 

The taller boy shoves Marvin down onto the bed and clamours on top of him, straddling his waist. His hands are firmly on Marvin’s hips as he leans down and captures his mouth in a kiss. Marvin grips the fabric of the bedsheets as Whizzer slips his tongue into Marvin’s mouth in the midst of their lazy movements, and their kissing turns a lot more vigorous very quickly. Marvin can hardly catch his breath as they move their heads in perfect rhythm, his adrenaline rising as he lets out quick, shallow breaths amidst quiet moans. Hardly being able to tell which noises belonged to whom, Marvin grasps desperately at wherever he can on Whizzer’s body. He arches his back as he clings onto his boyfriend. His boyfriend who has suddenly stopped kissing him. “Marvin.” 

“Whizzer, baby, please don’t tease me right now,” He begs. 

“Uh… Marvin.” 

“Kiss me again, Whizz, please!” 

“Marvin!” 

Whizzer’s hand has moved up to his ear as he looks sheepishly at the entrance to their room. Marvin follows his line of sight and his heart stops. 

Poor Jason has been stood in the doorway for god-knows-how-long looking positively traumatised. 

There’s a moment where the three exchange horrified looks, before Jason cries out: “What the fuck Marvin?” 

Normally Marvin would scold his brother for using such language, however he could see that now really wasn’t the time to be getting parental on him. 

“Jason I can-“

“Is this why you called me over here? To let me know that you’ve got a boyfriend? Because I’m pretty sure there’s like a million better ways you could have gotten that message across to me!”

He gives a sheepish, apologetic look to Whizzer before turning back to apologise to his little brother. “I’m sorry Jason I guess I lost track of time,” it’s a shitty excuse, but it’s the only one he has to offer at the minute. 

“Yeah I can see that!” his younger brother spits with far too much venom for an eleven-year-old. 

“Jason please-“

“I’m happy for you Marvin, but can you please never make out with your boyfriend near me ever again,” The boy whines, his breathing slow as he tries to calm himself down. 

“I promise,” Marvin says, smiling and keeping his tone light in order to help Jason chill out, and hoping that he isn’t sound too patronising.

“Jesus Christ you’re awful,” Jason huffs.

“And you’re Jewish,” Marvin retorts. 

“You say Jesus all the time!” he insists, and glares at Marvin when that makes him giggle. 

“Seriously Jason do you want to talk about this or…?” 

“No. Nope. Never.” The kid states, “After seeing that I need to go bleach my eyes and take a nap.” 

Marvin knows that he is going to do neither of those things, but before he can call Jason out he’s practically outside the room again. “I’m leaving. Goodnight- and no more kissing!” is all he says before slamming the door shut as loudly as he can. After his brother’s graceful leave, Marvin turns his attention back to a mortified Whizzer Brown, who was still seated perfectly in his lap. 

“… Sorry about that.” Is all Marvin can offer in this moment. 

“No! No, it’s okay- sorry for making out with you when your brother was meant to be coming ‘round.”

“God, you don’t have to apologise for that it was-“ Enjoyable? Sensual? Pleasurable? “…chill.” And Marvin mentally slow claps himself for his amazing choice of lexis. 

Whizzer giggles as he throws himself off Marvin and snuggles into his side, “Not the word I would have picked but sure,” he wipes around his mouth- which is still covered in Marvin’s saliva- with the sleeve of his shirt, “You’re pretty good at kissing you know,” he informs, which is a genuine surprise to Marvin because he’s not had much practice. He and Trina would hardly ever show affection to each other. 

He takes the compliment as an opportunity to lean in and slot their lips against each other again. 

Of course, the moment they do, the door opens yet again and Mendel walks in. 

“I’m glad that you two finally got together, but can you seriously not be making out every time I walk into our room?” He groans. 

Marvin stares pointedly at the man, who has his arms folded in his ugly, brown jumper. “Like you weren’t just doing the same with Trina,” and the bitterness is only just detectable in his voice.

Immediately he regrets his words as Mendel begins to blush and stammer in a way that indicates that they were doing much more than just kissing. Marvin lets it go, deciding that teasing Mendel about his ex’s sex life would not do anyone any good, and he curls up next to Whizzer. 

They have a long way to go, but everything will be alright. 

\----------

He’s scared. Oh God he’s so scared and panicked and he’s physically writhing in his bed as he’s pulled out of his slumber into the darkness of the dorm room. He can hear and feel the desperate pounding of his heart as he gasps for breath, tears streaming out of his eyes and he doesn’t know why because he can’t remember what he was dreaming about but he’s terrified and shaking and he doesn’t feel right. He feels like he’s in the wrong body, at the wrong time. _He just doesn’t want the frail corpse he saw to be disappointed in him._

Marvin sits up in his bed, not even hearing the groan of the mattress as he grasps his hair with his hands, as if trying to pull the bad feeling out of his head. Like the night he heard Whizzer and Mendel whispering, it’s so dark that Marvin somehow manages to register that it’s well into the night. _He couldn’t do anything to help him._ Everyone else in the room must be fast asleep. _He should have done more, to ease his pain._ Marvin doesn’t actually remember falling asleep himself. _And now he was going to die too._

All he knew 

_And feel all the pain that he had felt_

Was that he had fallen asleep, and now he was awake again

_Was this some sort of divine punishment for not doing enough?_

And all he wants is for Whizzer to hold him

_But he was leaving his fucking son behind_

Because he’s so scared, scared, scared, scared, _scared, scared, scared, scared, scared_

There’s something horribly wrong with him and Marvin doesn’t know what he can do to make it all stop.

He didn’t realise that he’d woken Whizzer up, and whatever guilt he felt was quickly replaced by relief as the other boy held him in his arms, rubbing his hands up and down Marvin’s back soothingly, and cooing soft words into his ear as Marvin begins to sob grossly into the crook of his neck. 

Whizzer cards a hand gently through Marvin’s hair and he tries so hard to focus on what his soft voice is saying to him, and he eventually manages to slow down his breathing enough to make it out. 

“I’m scared too,” the other boy is whispering, and Marvin hopes that he doesn’t mean that he has the nightmares too. He wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone, let alone Whizzer. “I woke up crying a little before you did. It’s probably unrelated but… I just felt like I was dying. And I was so frightened and panicked and all I knew is that I wanted to hold onto you but I felt as though you wouldn’t be there. Is that… how you’re feeling right now?” 

Marvin manages to nod stiffly upon Whizzer’s shoulder, his inability to speak at current made worse by the matching emotions of him and Whizzer, and the fact that it has something to do with Marvin’s dreams. 

“It’s gotta be our connection, right? I thought it was exciting at first, like we had some sort of secret talent or we…” he trails off. “It’s not exciting anymore. I’m scared, Marv. Why is this happening to us? What even is it that’s happening to us?” 

Marvin knows that it can’t be good. What sort of good can dreams of death and fear bring? It didn’t feel real. This sort of stuff only happens in the movies so why was it happening to him of all people? He’s just a normal boy for God’s sake. He half expects himself to wake up for real, and Whizzer and this weird connection thing would be all a dream. At this point in time, Marvin doesn’t know whether he’d like that or not. 

Managing to calm down his breathing at last, Marvin lies back down, bringing Whizzer gently with him. He places his head upon Whizzer’s chest and soothes himself by matching up his breathing to the sound of Whizzer’s heartbeat. Marvin almost starts crying again as he listens. That sound means that Whizzer’s alive. 

There are so many questions he wants to ask Whizzer. Mainly whether he’d felt like this his whole life, just like Marvin had. He doesn’t though, still unable to find his voice and knowing that the answers to his questions could cause a whole lot more upset. He’s scared too, of what Whizzer might say, of this freakish connection being made all the more real. 

Maybe this is God’s way of punishing Marvin. Or maybe God thinks it’s funny, to fuck up Marvin’s life.

Either way, they were in this together now. Their bond was unbreakable.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YIKES this chapter is pretty much just smut. Also, sorry it's taken a little longer to get this chapter up, hopefully you'll enjoy this??

It’s embarrassing really, how hard Marvin has to force himself to be ashamed of his gay thoughts during class. As the teacher drones on about Shakespeare, he tries to focus, but his mind is already deep in thought about Whizzer. Namely, thoughts about how Marvin wants to be deep in- 

Woah. Now is not the time for that. 

Yet here he is, thinking of the boy who is sat not two meters away from him in a very inappropriate manner. 

They’ve honestly not done anything past making out, but Marvin was so ready to. He wonders if Whizzer even wants to do any of that stuff. And if he does, how would they even go about it? Thinking back on their first date, Marvin hopes that it wouldn’t be as disastrous as that. 

He has to force himself out of his thoughts and focus on his classwork. It would not do him any good to be caught getting aroused over Macbeth.

Of course, he’s still bored to tears in the class, so he finds his mind wandering off to something just as uncomfortable, but certainly more safe for work: their connection. A couple of days prior they had decided to do some research on whatever this was between them. With trembling hands and an anxious Whizzer next to him, he had typed in ‘psychic connection’. They didn’t know what they were expecting to find. Maybe hoping that at the very least they’d be able to find a blog post or something about someone who had gone through the same thing. At best they wanted to find some sort of explanation- preferably scientific but they’d take anything at this point. 

One thing that they found gave them any sort of insight. And even then, it was not an outcome either of them wanted. It was an article about two men who had felt an instant psychological connection when they first met; they even knew odd things about each other. They read through and both of them got pretty excited at the prospect that it sounded quite a bit like them- they weren’t the only people to have had to deal with this! Their hopes, however, were dashed when they got to the end of the article. 

They had turned out to be fraternal twins who were separated at a very young age. 

Whizzer’s jaw dropped to the floor and Marvin felt a little sick and the hypothetical situation. What if he was getting all horny over his long-lost cousin or some shit? Marvin turned his pale white face to look at Whizzer and stated: “Just so we’re on the same page; if we ever find out we’re related in any way, we’re fucking breaking up.”

Whizzer snorted and threw an arm around Marvin’s shoulders. “I don’t think we need to worry about that, we look nothing alike. I’m much prettier.”

Rolling his eyes, Marvin gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Well, I can’t argue with you there.”

After that they scrolled through a couple more pages of google and found nothing more useful than that. Basically, they were either separated at birth or reincarnated lovers according to google. 

The bell rings, and Marvin says goodbye to Whizzer before he makes his way to science. He doesn’t particularly enjoy being in class without his boyfriend, he makes things much more fun. At least he has Charlotte, who feels exactly the same way about having to be separated from Cordelia, and doesn’t hesitate to complain about this at least every five minutes. Oftentimes, she jokes that it’s homophobia splitting the gay couples up. At least, Marvin thinks it’s a joke. He is pretty convinced that Charlotte thinks that the school has a secret homophobic agenda and that she’s going to expose it to everyone. Marvin doesn’t think the school actually cares about what goes on in the student’s private lives as long as they go to temple every week. 

Marvin finds the woman in question waiting for him outside of their classroom. 

“You and Whizzer had sex yet?” She greets, and Marvin rolls his eyes at her bluntness. This has been her greeting to Marvin for the past few days- whether Whizzer was with him or not. 

“Don’t talk to me,” He groans, and Charlotte laughs as they enter the classroom and take their seats at the bench in the back of the class. 

Their normal teacher is gone today and they have a sub, so Marvin takes the class as another opportunity to space out. No one will be paying attention to the sad looking man standing at the front of the class, but he couldn’t even dick about with Charlotte because this was the one class she took seriously no matter what. 

He begins to wonder, what if he and Whizzer did get intimate? Marvin thinks about the way Whizzer uses his tongue when they kiss and he begins to think about what other places Whizzer could use his tongue like that on. Perhaps he’d lick at Marvin’s sensitive throat, and Marvin would shiver and whine as his hot mouth left him aching for more. He’d pull at Whizzer’s hair in the way that he knows the boy loves, earning a delightful moan from him before he began to kiss and bite at Marvin’s neck. Getting impatient, Marvin would rip Whizzer’s shirt off him and throw it to the ground, before gently caressing the soft skin on his torso, running his hands up his sides and gently kissing around his collarbones. Maybe he’d be able to draw out another moan from him- a sound that could tempt even the purest of angels, and Marvin would be a panting mess, unable to think straight until he was able to draw more heavenly sounds out of Whizzer. He’d beg Whizzer to touch him. Anywhere. Everywhere. Whizzer would graze over his sides and Marvin would moan as he arched into his delicate embrace, before he is gently laid down as Whizzer shifts to rest on top of him. Occasionally, he’d nibble at Marvin’s ear, his breath so hot Marvin would feel like he was on fire, and his hands would find their way under Marvin’s shirt, rubbing his sensitive skin reverently. He would gasp and his hips would buck involuntarily, causing a stream of pure pleasure to flow through his body. Whizzer would pant, and roll their hips together again, making Marvin throw his head back and cry out from the stimulation. He’d want more, he’d want Whizzer to drive him over the edge. Marvin would whimper, begging for more as Whizzer pinned him down and moaned out Marvin’s name in a low, lust-filled tone- 

“Marvin, what the fuck?” Charlotte’s sharp tone jolts him out of his filthy fantasies. 

“Huh?” He croaks out, turning to his friend to see an uncomfortable expression on her face. Marvin feels his stomach churning as he realises why she’s staring. With horror written all over his face it dawns on him that he’d been fucking moaning in the middle of science class. He really can’t catch a break, can he? 

Unable to look his best friend in the eye, he glares down at the desk and begs: “Please don’t tell anyone,” 

“Buy me lunch tomorrow, and we got a deal.” 

\----------

“Alright. You can…” Whizzer’s tongue pokes out and his brow furrows in concentration. It takes him a couple of seconds, but as he relaxes his eyes light up whilst he proudly announces: “You can touch your nose with your tongue!” 

Marvin laughs at Whizzer’s proud grin as he confirms the statement, “Honestly I’d pretty much forgotten that one about myself; not a talent I showcase often.” 

“I’m not surprised though, you’re definitely talented with your tongue,” Whizzer throws him a wink and Marvin gets flustered enough that his boyfriend has to prompt him that it’s his turn. 

“Right, okay. Facts about Whizzer,” he hums, and throws his head up to the ceiling as if hoping for a bit of divine intervention. Marvin is pretty sure that works, as a fact about Whizzer immediately pops into his head. “Your favourite film is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” He states, “And you always cry at the end.” Marvin would tease him for this (after all, he wouldn’t really call it a sad film) if he wasn’t so surprised that the fact in his head was accompanied by a very vivid image of Whizzer curled up on a sofa with tears streaming down his face, his soft features accentuated by the dim glow of a television. Marvin can’t quite put his finger on it, but the Whizzer in this fleeting image seemed different somehow. He looked older, maybe? And his clothes were definitely different. Marvin, however cannot dwell on this as he realises that actual Whizzer is speaking to him. 

“Out of everything you could have said about me, you have to bring up that embarrassing fact. It’s an emotional film okay!” He defends himself even though Marvin hasn’t said anything, “I guess I just always wished my life could be like that. Dragged out of my shitty life to fly away in a glass elevator.” 

Marvin doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just shuffles closer to Whizzer and puts an arm around him. Seeming to appreciate the gesture, the other boy plants a kiss on Marvin’s cheek before settling his head onto his shoulder. 

They’re sat in the corner of the school’s recreation room. It’s not very big and it’s almost always packed, but the pair had agreed that they needed a change of scenery when Trina had entered their room to see Mendel. It’s not that it was awkward- okay it was pretty awkward- but Marvin’s excuse was that if Mendel could appreciate that him and Whizzer wanted time alone, they could do the same with him and Trina.

Jason is sat at a table nearby with a couple of his new friends playing what looks to be a very intense game of Dungeons and Dragons. Marvin’s pretty sure his little brother hasn’t even noticed his presence, but he can’t even get mad about that because it really does warm his heart to see Jason actually interacting with other kids his age. Sure, they might be nerds and playing a game made in the 70s, but they were friends nonetheless. It was more Marvin had ever had. 

Still, as he tries to comfort his boyfriend Marvin guiltily regards the thoughts in the back of his mind that had stayed ever present throughout the day- even after that disastrous science lesson. He wants to kick himself as he rubs soothing circles into Whizzer’s shoulder, wondering what it might feel like if that hand on his thigh would just move up a little bit higher and... God, he really needs to get a grip. He honestly does want that part of his brain to kindly shut the fuck up. After all, it’s not exactly easy to stay sweet with his suddenly upset boyfriend whilst he’s thinking about fucking him. 

Of course, Whizzer had joked about sex and stuff with Marvin before, but he could never tell whether he was actually being serious or not. It couldn’t hurt to ask right? For clarification? Fuck maybe now wasn’t exactly the best time to ask about that. But then again, Marvin was practically dying over here, and it would change the subject. 

He licks his lips and turns to Whizzer in preparation to ask. Ask what exactly, he doesn’t know, but it turns out he doesn’t need to think about that because Whizzer- who is smirking again for some reason- cuts him off before he can even collect his thoughts. “I remember that you look down and sweat when you’re thinking about fucking.” He says it so nonchalantly that Marvin probably wouldn’t have even registered what he’d said properly if it hadn’t been something that had been playing on his mind for the past couple of days. 

“What? I- No! I mean- No, no- Absolutely not- I don’t-“ he stutters, and cringes at himself as Whizzer snorts with laughter at him. 

“You really can’t lie, you know that Marvin? I bet you’re shit at two truths and a lie.”

“Not true!” he protests, “I’m fucking excellent at two truths and a lie.” Marvin folds his arms across his chest and hesitates, thinking about how he doesn’t actually know Whizzer’s opinion on the fact he had just presented… “I’ll show you. Right now, two truths and a lie, let’s go.” 

Whizzer rolls his eyes, “I believe you Marv-“ he begins to drawl, but he gets cut off before he can finish complaining. 

“Alright: I played Columbus in a play when I was fifteen, I would very much like to get physically intimate with you but I’m too nervous to ask you and I’m scared of what you might think, and my mom once met Beyoncé.”

He doesn’t have the nerve to look Whizzer in the eye but he can see the other boy scratching his ear in his peripheral vision. “Uh... your mom meeting Beyoncé?” He ventured quietly. 

“Nope. She has a picture of them framed in the sitting room.” 

“Oh.” Is all Whizzer says.

“Yeah.” Marvin replies shakily. 

They don’t break eye contact as Marvin feels faint with the thick tension surrounding them. He cannot believe he actually told Whizzer he wants to have sex with him. He opens his mouth to say something- then closes it because he realises he actually has no idea how to resolve this situation. Whizzer does the same a few moments later- and this continues for the better part of a minute as Marvin wants the floor to swallow him up right there and then. 

“Fourteen,” He blurts out eventually. 

“…Huh?” Whizzer responds, furrowing his brows in confusion. 

“I played Columbus when I was fourteen, not fifteen.” Marvin is pretty sure God should never have allowed him to be a boyfriend to anyone. He really is not good at this. 

Whizzer curls his knees up to his chest and begins to bite his nails, “I have thought about it you know,” 

Marvin’s head snaps up at that. Whizzer holds his gaze for a fraction of a second before looking away again, embarrassed. 

“The- the getting intimate thing.” He clarifies, “I guess I just… didn’t know if you’d want to or not.”

That shocks Marvin. Whizzer is quite possibly the most handsome boy he has ever met, why on earth would he think Marvin wouldn’t want to get intimate with him? “Are you kidding? Yes! I mean- uh- I would really like to… do that…” He almost bashes his head against the wall at how desperate he sounds. How the hell do you even tell someone politely that you’d like to have sex with them? Can you even ask that gracefully? 

Whizzer lets out a little “Oh,” and flushes pink. “Me too,” He confesses. 

Marvin wrings his hands and thinks about how not-sexy this whole situation is compared to how he had imagined it. “Do you want to like… act on it- or…?” He leaves the question open, giving Whizzer full option to deny because the last thing he wanted to do was make him feel obligated now that they had both confessed.

“Yes! Yeah- uh. That sounds good,” Whizzer confirms, eyeing Marvin to look for some sort of approval.

“Alright, cool.” His hands turn really sweaty and he pries them from each other to rub nervously on his jeans. “Cool, yeah. Do you want to like… do something today? We don’t have to if you don’t want but-“

“Yeah, okay! Okay… Should we- um- like how far- you know?” 

“Oh, oh yeah we probably shouldn’t, y’know. Do all that. Maybe just something- a little less? For the first time.” 

“Yeah, of course. Yeah. So, like… just hands? Or…?”

“Yeah, sounds good. So, uh, should we go?” Marvin gesture vaguely towards the direction of their dorm room, “Unless you don’t want to go right now, which is cool.”

“No, no, let’s go now,” Whizzer insists, and the two scramble to their feet so quickly it’s a wonder they don’t trip over. 

It’s embarrassing really, how turned on Marvin had gotten by their awkward exchange. He grasps for Whizzer’s hand as they leave the recreation room, his heart practically thumping out of his chest. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. Okay, he does. Whizzer is a very pretty boy that Marvin is falling hopelessly in love with and he wants to impress him at every opportunity. However, it isn’t like Marvin is a total virgin. He’d just never been with a boy before. Especially not one as incredible as Whizzer. 

As they climb up the stairs to their room it dawns on Marvin that when they had left both Mendel and Trina had been in there. Shit. They’d come too far now to just go back, and they’d both had to awkwardly arrange this and Marvin didn’t know if he could take that much embarrassment again. Maybe they had left by now? And if they hadn’t Marvin could just ask them to leave right? Right. This was going to work. 

Marvin subconsciously holds his breath as he gently pushes open the door to their room. He exhales shakily as he sees that the lights are off. Walking fully into the room, he flicks the light switch and surveys the room just to make double sure they’re alone. Whizzer shuts the door gently and pulls Marvin over to his bed. They pause, and Whizzer is smiling that sweet, soft smile. God he’s pretty. It’s cliché as fuck but Marvin finds himself getting lost in his eyes and his heart begins to thump harder, he’s nervous yet excited and he feels himself sweating even more. 

_He’s felt like this before._

Anxious butterflies churn up his stomach, and he feels as if he could vomit.

_Remember?_

But of course, that would not be attractive at all, so Marvin vows to keep it down. 

Biting his lips, Whizzer gently leads Marvin down onto the bed with him, and as the bed creaks under their weight, Marvin realises he has no idea of how to kick this off. Unlike his fantasies, he knows that Whizzer won’t dive straight into kissing his neck and everything progressing from there. He decides to begin by kicking off his shoes, as that’s as good a start as any. 

Whizzer follows suit, and afterwards his hands hover hesitantly above the buttons on his jeans, before he asks: “Do you want me to do you first?”

“I- I can do it for you if you want,” Marvin offers politely, not knowing how else to respond other than ‘I’m nervous about getting my dick out first.’

“I want you to feel good,” Whizzer admits quietly, and Marvin shifts awkwardly as that comment makes blood rush straight to his pants. “I-if you’re not comfortable with that, it’s fine I just… You’ve really helped me feel comfortable here at the school you know? I don’t know what I would do if you hadn’t been my friend and I just- I don’t know, I guess I want to repay you somehow.” Whizzer looks at him shyly through his long lashes and Marvin’s heart pounds. He really doesn’t want to sound greedy, but Whizzer is insisting.

Marvin nods, swallowing thickly with nerves. They pause awkwardly, unsure of what to do next, before Marvin hesitantly lies down on his back. Whizzer clamours awkwardly to sit on top of him, and begins to play with his ear as he looks down upon his boyfriend. Yet again, they sit in an awkward silence and Marvin doesn’t know what to do apart from take his partner’s free hand reassuringly. 

“Can I kiss your neck?” Whizzer asks shakily, and Marvin doesn’t know why he’s asking permission for that since he’s done it plenty of times before, but he nods in confirmation anyway.

Whizzer leans down slowly and presses his lips softly to Marvin’s neck. Letting out a quiet breath, Marvin moves his hand up to rest on Whizzer’s shoulder and play gently with the fabric of his shirt. As Whizzer begins to use his tongue to trail down to his jugular, Marvin lets his head roll back into his pillow and he sighs again. When Whizzer opens his mouth and begins to lick and suck at his sensitive skin, Marvin has to bite his lip to stop himself from moaning outright, his head swimming already from the pleasurable sensations that Whizzer was supplying for him. 

This definitely wasn’t how Marvin imagined their first time being. It was never this awkward and messy in his mind. But that was okay. It meant that this was real- this was actually happening. And Marvin was okay with that.

Whizzer nips above his collarbone and Marvin makes more noises of contentedness at the pleasant feeling, warmth spreading though the whole of his body. Subconsciously, he moves his hand up to weave into Whizzer’s hair and he can hardly even register the moan that draws out of his partner as he feels like he’s melting into a puddle on the bed. 

Wanting to hear that sound again, Marvin tugs gently at his locks again and is rewarded with not only a delicate moan, but with Whizzer rolling his hips against his own. 

“Fuck!” Marvin whines involuntarily as he throws one of his legs around Whizzer’s waist. He brings his free hand up to his mouth to muffle himself, biting down on his index finger because he hates these noises he’s making, he hates these whimpers and cries and he hates how pathetic it makes him sound, and he especially hates Whizzer for doing this to him.

That’s a lie. He loves Whizzer and what he’s doing to his body and he just needs some more friction and… Marvin remembers that when you suck on the skin underneath Whizzer’s ear he goes absolutely crazy. 

Whizzer yelps as Marvin uses his leg around his waist to flip them over. He cocks an eyebrow in surprise and Marvin just smirk as he bends down to nip ever so gently at the patch of skin beneath his right ear, and the erotic moan that evokes from Whizzer is enough to get Marvin fully hard. 

Desperate for some sort of relief, Marvin grinds his hips down onto Whizzer’s and the feeling is fucking delightful. They both moan far too loudly and Marvin shivers as he realises how pathetic he must look right now, grinding urgently onto his boyfriend as if he were some sort of animal. 

“Marvin,” Whizzer moans out, and Marvin honestly had no idea that anyone could make his name sound that good.

And all of a sudden before Marvin can reply, he’s being pushed back down into his original position by Whizzer, who begins unbuttoning his pants and everything seems to be happening in fast-motion as he lays almost motionless on the bed. Marvin hears himself whine again as Whizzer tugs his pants off before discarding them to the floor. 

“You’re that hard already?” Whizzer teases with a giggle.

“Fuck off,” Is Marvin’s totally not-sexy reply. 

He finds himself squirming as Whizzer’s hands slide up his shirt, softly caressing the warm skin on his chest before yanking the shirt over his head and chucking it to the floor alongside his pants. He’s left laying there only in his underwear and all of a sudden Marvin becomes hyperaware of the fact that he’s about to be completely naked in front of his boyfriend for the first time, and has an overwhelming urge to cover himself up. He balls his hands into fists by his sides to stop himself from doing just that as Whizzer begins to tug the boxers down. He focuses on his breathing and tries not to hyperventilate as he lies there- his head turned to the side because there was no way he could make eye contact with his boyfriend right now. 

Whizzer doesn’t say anything at first. Marvin is torn between crying and laughing because of how uncomfortable this whole situation is. He thinks he might cry. 

“That… sure is a dick.”

Marvin wasn’t expecting to laugh during his first time with Whizzer. The pair burst into laughter at the comment, and Marvin feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest. It’s still just Whizzer. He doesn’t need to be worried about screwing up here because he’s his boyfriend, and if he had stuck with him through their disastrous first date then why should this be any different no matter what happens. Marvin didn’t even know that there could ever be a situation where you could laugh like this during sex. Things with Trina were always so damn serious and boring. But here, Marvin trusts Whizzer, and his body relaxes as the boy plants soft kisses on his cheek between giggles. 

Of course, he stops laughing when Whizzer wraps his hand around him.

Instead, he gasps involuntarily at the sudden pressure. Whizzer starts off with light touches, but it’s still enough to make Marvin buck and whimper. Smiling softly, Whizzer bends down to kiss Marvin delicately, his hands beginning to form a rhythm, moving up and down. Trusting himself with his hands again, he grasps onto Whizzer’s brown locks like a lifeline with one hand, and touches wherever he can on his boyfriend’s body with the other. He’s trembling as he thrusts his hips forwards to meet with Whizzer’s careful strokes, moaning into his boyfriend’s mouth in the midst of their kisses. Marvin wants to be quiet, he can’t stand hearing himself like this, but Whizzer is just too goddamn good. A rhythm is beginning to form, as Whizzer occasionally rubs his thumb or flicks his wrist in a certain way that makes Marvin convulse. And of course, Whizzer takes great delight in seeing him come undone like that. 

Marvin makes a silent vow that next time, he’s gonna be the one to make Whizzer feel like this. No; even better than this. See how he likes being so vulnerable. 

He had to admit though, this feels so good. Probably the best thing he’s ever felt in his life. 

Panting and groaning, Marvin throws his other hand to grip Whizzer’s hair as he continues to thrust upwards with his quivering thighs. He’s rewarded with Whizzer quickening his pace, pausing only to stoke the head of his cock with his thumb, a sensation that causes Marvin to cry out wantonly and throw his head back furiously into the pillow. He hears himself mumble Whizzer’s name, over and over again, hoping that the man himself know that Marvin can’t think of anyone else but him, he doesn’t want anyone else but him, and he wouldn’t trust anyone else but him to do this. To have this control over him. 

“Whizzer, don’t stop please Whizzer,” he cries out, feeling the tell-tale heat coiling up in the pit of his stomach, and he moans and bucks even faster because he knows he won’t last much longer. His cries cause Whizzer to smirk, and Marvin wraps his arms around his shoulders and throws his face into the crook of his neck. Panting heavy, hot breaths onto Whizzer’s skin he whines, “Whizzer, I’m- I’m gonna-“

“You’re what, Marvin?” Whizzer replies lowly.

“Whizzer!” he whines, his whole body shaking.

“I won’t know what you mean unless you tell me,” And Marvin wants to scream (in fact, maybe he actually does, he isn’t quite sure) because now is really not the time he wants Whizzer to be teasing him. 

He scrunches his eyes shut in embarrassment, face still hidden in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck as he whimpers “I- I’m- Fuck! – I’m gonna come Whizzer.” His voice cracks embarrassingly and he sounds ridiculous, but he feels Whizzer smile against the top of his head, before tugging him gently by his curls to face him. 

“Go on then baby,” is all he says before pulling Marvin in for a sloppy kiss and moving his wrist as fast as he could to get Marvin off. 

His moans build up, becoming louder and louder until he gives one final shout, and his hips jerk forwards, chasing his pleasure, and his hands pull so hard on the back of Whizzer’s shirt it’s a wonder he doesn’t rip the damn thing. And then he’s breathing heavily, and his groin feels sticky, and Whizzer lays him down on the bed before curling up next to him. 

They lay there for a long moment, the room surrounding them painfully silent apart from both of their heavy breathing. Marvin feels like he’s floating. Fucking hell, he’s never come that hard in his life, let alone from just a handjob. Vaguely, he registers how disgusting he feels, covered in the sticky mess that would have to be dealt with fairly soon, but for the moment he just wants to lie with his lover. They’re both looking at each other, although neither of them are saying anything. Marvin’s fears of fucking up this relationship slowly creep back in in his post-pleasure state, but he can’t bare himself to tear his eyes away from Whizzer.

“Was that good?” He asks. 

Marvin can’t help but scoff, “Obviously.” 

Nevertheless, he shuffles over to press his face to Whizzer’s chest, who wraps his arms around him comfortingly. Marvin is pretty shocked that Whizzer’s first instinct wasn’t to get off the bed and go and clean himself off. Although, he does think that Whizzer’s hands on his back seem pretty clean for someone who just… 

“Whizzer, did you… lick it off your hands?” Marvin questions, glancing up at his partner, who turns a very pretty shade of pink.

“I- um… yeah. Is that weird? I hope you don’t think that’s weird,” He stumbles over his words, unable to look Marvin in the eye.

“I think that’s kinda hot,” he admits, burying his face back in Whizzer’s chest in embarrassment, and they stay cuddling in silence until Marvin really has to do something about cleaning himself up. “If we ever do this again,” he starts as he goes to fetch a cloth from the bathroom, “Let me return the favour for you?” 

“Deal,” Whizzer agrees.

They manage to get themselves in order way before Mendel gets back (presumably having a similar sort of encounter, due to his lateness arriving back) and decide to sleep together in Whizzer’s bed, seeing as Marvin’s bedding would need taking down to the laundry room the next day. As night falls, and they’re curled up underneath the thick duvet, Marvin prays silently in thanks for Whizzer. 

He’s so lucky to have someone that understands him. Someone who adores him. Someone who won’t abandon him.

He doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost him.

_He has._

He’d be a mess. 

_He was._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this chapter while I was listening to the To The Moon soundtrack and let me tell you... I was getting very emotional lmao. Also I can't believe we're already halfway through this fic! I really like how this chapter turned out so I hope you all enjoy <3

After their first sexual encounter, Charlotte was the first person to find out- from Marvin- about what had gone on between him and Whizzer. Marvin was not expecting her to be impressed, or even congratulate him in any way. He didn’t really know what he was expecting but what he got wasn’t it. There was a pause. And then laughter. And then more laughter. And then Marvin was red with embarrassment and annoyance and yelling at his friend for not taking this seriously.

He still isn’t quite sure on whether this is all a dream or not. He knows that Whizzer is far too good for him, and he isn’t completely sure why on earth that man wants to sleep with him. It’s like he’s expecting to wake up any moment and this would all be just some distant dream. But for now, it’s real, and happening and they’d even done stuff a couple more times when they had managed to kick Mendel out of the room. They had even managed to progress to blowjobs. And although the first time Whizzer went down on him was incredibly pleasing, it did make Marvin feel like he was going to die and ended with him crying and hyperventilating as he came, much to Whizzer’s alarm and his own shame. Despite that though, Marvin had been more than happy to return the favour a couple of nights later and pretend that nothing had happened. 

Marvin’s school life had also improved by being cast in the play by Miss Goldberg. He had tried to convince Whizzer to audition with him, but he had scoffed saying that theatre was for nerds, and trying out for the baseball team was much more his style (“You literally play chess with me and Jason Whizzer, how much nerdier can you get?”) But his boyfriend had promised to come and see the show and support him in any ways he needed, which was good enough for him. 

Despite Marvin’s daytime being wonderful for him, his nights were getting progressively worse. Every night the nightmares have him jolting awake in a sweat deep into the night. Sometimes Whizzer is awake too and one of them will crawl into the other’s bed and they’ll cuddle each other for comfort to get back to sleep. If Whizzer is not awake though, Marvin is left to curl up and cry on his own. On those nights he rarely gets back to sleep, scared of what he might see, which would make him extremely aggravated during the day. Although, Marvin was aggravated most days, so only Whizzer would notice the difference in him and silently take his hand in subtle comfort. 

What was beginning to worry him though, was that all of his friends were seeming to start to have similar nightmares. Once, while Marvin was lying awake in bed, Mendel bolted upright in his bed with a cry. Looking around wildly, his eyes landed on Whizzer and he lifted a shaking hand to his mouth, before lying back down gently, his panicked pants slowing down until his breathing was at a normal pace once again. A few days later, Cordelia and Trina had complained at the lunch table that they had been having horrible nightmares that had them waking up feeling sick and they couldn’t even remember what they were about. A couple of days after that, Charlotte had wandered over to the group of friends in the morning, her eyes sagging with deep black circles underneath and her expression sombre. Mendel had inquired whether she had been suffering from nightmares too, but after glancing sadly at Whizzer, she shook her head, refusing to answer. Marvin knew though, that she had remembered something from her dream, unlike the rest of them. 

The one that broke Marvin’s heart the most though, was Jason. It was past three in the morning, and Marvin knew that he was not getting back to sleep, when he heard a tentative knocking on the door. He tiptoed out of bed to open it, as to not wake the other two, and was surprised to see a sobbing Jason on the other side. 

“I know I’m getting too old for this, but- but- I had a really bad dream and it freaked me out and I just really needed to come and see you and- and-“ The younger boy hiccupped and Marvin let him know that it was all alright by pulling him into a tight hug and allowing him to sleep in his bed for the remainder of the night. 

Trina’s wiry boyfriend reassures them all during Gym class that nightmares are very common in teenagers, that this probably will pass and it’s just a coincidence that they’re all having similar experiences at the same time. Whizzer and Marvin share a knowing look, though. They know that this has to be more than pure coincidence. 

Then the teacher announces that today they’ll be running cross country, and Marvin’s worry quickly transforms into dread as he wonders if it’s too late to drag Whizzer off to the changing rooms and hide out there and make out for the remainder of the class (which is how they spend most of their gym classes.)

It is, however, too late, and Marvin finds himself gasping desperately for air as he forces his feet to move him forward. Whizzer had kindly vowed to slow down so that Marvin has someone to run with, although the boy is still a good few paces ahead of him, clearly the sporty one in the relationship. Mendel and Trina are already on the other side of the field (Marvin had heard that the pair had started working out with each other, but he didn’t realise how much that had actually improved their performance in gym class until now) and Charlotte is about to lap everyone. She hasn’t bothered to wait for her less capable partner, who is jogging daintily alongside Whizzer. Marvin is thankful that Whizzer has at least taken a little bit of pity on him to not show him up like that.

Deciding that he would like to make the next hour of running slightly more bearable, he musters all of his strength and pushes forward to catch up with Whizzer and Cordelia. 

“Hey,” he wheezes out, and he realises how unattractive he must look as he glances up at his boyfriend; his back hunched over, his face bright red and his breath coming out in deep, raspy pants. 

“Hey babe,” Whizzer shoots back easily, and Cordelia grins, throws them a knowing wink and slows down to regroup with Charlotte. 

“How the hell are you doing this so easily?” Marvin whines. 

“I’ve been doing sports pretty much since I could walk,” he responds, “Why don’t you just pretend to faint or something, you’re a good actor I’m pretty sure they’ll buy it,”

“As much as I appreciate your confidence in my talents, I tried that one last year. They did not buy it,” 

Whizzer laughs, “I’m telling you Marvin you should just come with me to the gym sometimes, we could be the next Mendel and Trina if we tried,”

Marvin bites his lip and tries not to let the comment get to him. He knows Whizzer didn’t mean the comment in the way Marvin took it, but he can’t help feeling self-conscious about his weight. 

“I don’t want us to be like Mendel and Trina. They’re assholes,” Marvin bites back nastily, in order to hide his insecurity.

“That’s mean Marv,” Whizzer states very matter-of-factly.

“You’re mean,” He replies childishly. 

“Nope, I’m the nice one in this relationship,” Whizzer argues, “Which means that I’m the one that has to restrain you from hitting people because- guess what Marvin? - you’re kind of fucking mean.”

Wait what? Marvin stares at Whizzer incredulously as the other boy doesn’t even break his pace and register that what he’s said is a complete lie. Sure, he’s ashamed to admit that when Trina got with Mendel he had wanted to hit her so bad.

_He’s so dumb._

But he didn’t, and although she annoyed him to no end, he had never had that kind of urge again. 

_God, he’s so sorry._

Plus, Whizzer wasn’t even there when all of that had happened so what the fuck was he talking about? 

“You’ve literally never had to do that!” Marvin scowls. 

“Yes, I have!” Whizzer insists. 

“No, you definitely haven’t Whizzer, what are you even basing that accusation on?” 

“I saw you hit-! Oh… wait.” He falters and his pace begins to slow as he looks at the ground, his face a mixture of confusion and embarrassment. 

It clicks for Marvin as he miserably asks the question he already knows the answer to. “Did you see me do that in a dream?”

He swallows thickly. “Yeah. I’m sorry Marv, I just- Fuck, I can’t even tell the difference between dreams and reality anymore.” His eyebrows furrow and a distressed look emerges on his face. Marvin wonders if he should call a teacher over because Whizzer does not look good at all. 

Taking his boyfriend’s hand, Marvin decides not to push the matter further, deciding that it’s better for everyone if Marvin doesn’t find out about who he’s been hitting in Whizzer’s dream. “You don’t need to apologise,” He soothes, “You look a little sick, are you sure you’re okay to keep running?” 

Whizzer nods shakily, and they don’t say another word for the rest of the class.

\----------

_Charlotte had told him what was happening. Something that kills. Something that’s infectious. Something that spreads from one man to another._

_He walks back into the hospital room, plastering an unstable smile onto his face. The frail man on the bad frowns though, he’s known Marvin long enough to know when he’s being insincere._

_“She told you.” He says. It’s not a question._

_“You… It’s not certain that you’ll die,” Marvin falters._

_He scoffs, and Marvin knows that he’s not buying his words. He’s accepted his death._

_“Did she tell you… the other part?” He asks quietly._

_Marvin nods. He’s going to die too. He’s going to suffer and fall apart in the same way his lover is and there’s nothing anyone can do to help him._

_“Sorry for killing you,” He laughs shallowly, no humour behind his words._

_“Sorry for killing you too.” Marvin whispers._

_Crawling onto the stiff hospital bed, Marvin grasps onto the other man’s hand like a lifeline. They don’t speak any more; all he can do is listen to the oppressive sounds of the hospital. It’s all so loud, the beeping of the monitor, the squeaking of nurses’ shoes against the linoleum floor, someone practically coughing up their lungs in the next bed over. It makes Marvin want to scream or cry or maybe both, but he knows he has to be strong for him. Besides, he has to get used to these sounds, he’ll be in here soon enough._

_He places his head on his lover’s chest, to hear the beating of his heart. He starts crying because that sound means that he’s alive. And he knows that soon there’ll be a day where he won’t be able to hear that sound._

_“I told you that you’re not a strong person,” He teases weakly._

_And that makes Marvin smile through his tears, remembering those early days where all they would do is fight and fuck but Whizzer would still call him sweet and Marvin would cook him dinner of an evening and they were ignorant of any sort of consequence like this that could occur from their screwing._

_There’s no reason for Marvin to be smiling, they’re dying for fucks sake, but here he is, smiling up through glassy eyes at the pretty man he’s shared his life with. “You always have to be right don’t you, Whizzer?”_

_**Whizzer.** _

_He dies shortly after Jason’s Bar Mitzvah. Once he’s breathed his last breath Marvin can’t even bear to look at him anymore. Because he can’t deal with the fact that Whizzer can’t hear his snide remarks anymore, can’t see him in the outfits that he thought were vile._

_He can’t deal with the fact that that’s not Whizzer anymore._

_Whilst he’s running he realises that he’s got nowhere to go. He can’t go home if Whizzer’s not going to be there. He can’t go to Trina and Mendel’s place and let Jason see him like this, and Charlotte and Cordelia need their own space to deal with their loss._

_So, he collapses in the street and sobs._

_The people around him don’t even spare him a second glance, to them he’s just another crazy person on the streets of New York City._

_“Please God, please I miss him so much he doesn’t deserve this,” He begins to babble incoherently, hoping that some sort of divine being will hear and have mercy on him._

_This is not the place to be breaking down like this, he knows that. He registers in his grief driven state that Cordelia has chased after him, and she bends down and coos soothing words to him, reaching out her hand to rub his shoulder reassuringly. But Marvin is so angry at himself, at God, at the universe, that he slaps Cordelia’s hand away from him._

_He cries out his name in a plea to the heavens._

_**“Whizzer!”** _

_The name is repeated again and again and again, and every time it leaves his lips he hates himself even more. He begs for one more chance. One more chance and things will be different, Marvin won’t take what he has for granted and he’ll do everything he can to make things different._

_One more chance and he can save Whizzer._

_“I’ll give anything, please! Please just give me another chance. I know I’ve messed up, I know I made too many mistakes, but he didn’t deserve to suffer because of that. Please, I just want him back, I’ll do anything to just get him back and I swear next time I won’t let him die,”_

\----------

“I won’t let him die!” 

Marvin jerks awake and startled by his own words he clamps a hand over his mouth, which also muffles the sobs that leave his body as he cries heavily. Curling up in a ball on his bed he begins to remember his dream. 

Whizzer. Whizzer is the man that dies in his dreams every night. 

He thinks about his dream Whizzer, with his older features and horrid hospital gown, and Marvin begins to freak out because he realises that he’s remembering a lot more about Whizzer. He remembers them fucking behind his wife’s back- which is odd because he doesn’t have a wife- until he eventually decides to move in with Marvin and his family. Except, Marvin has memories of his family being Trina and his son Jason, but Jason isn’t his son he’s his brother. He remembers them fighting, and Whizzer leaving and then coming back. They fall in love and everything is perfect until Whizzer falls sick and then…

And it’s crazy because Marvin all of a sudden has a whole new set of memories alongside the memories of his actual life. He begins to feel faint as his brain is flooded with all this new information and he begins to hyperventilate as he realises that he used to be someone else. Or at least, he’s lived a life prior to this one. Which is insane and can’t possibly be true because he always believed that reincarnation was bullshit. 

But what other explanation could there be? How else could he know that in 1979 he divorced his wife and left is child to be with Whizzer Brown? That he met his best friends Cordelia and Charlotte in the 80s? That his son had his Bar Mitzvah in a bleak hospital room right before Whizzer… 

Marvin glances over at the boy sleeping on the other side of the room as it dawns on him that _he’s seen him die._ And he knows then that that’s why he’s been reincarnated. He’s been given that second chance to save him. He cannot let Whizzer Brown die. 

“I’m sorry,” Marvin chokes out in prayer to the Whizzer that he couldn’t save. The Whizzer that he remembers staying up with until 3AM one night planning their wedding. They both knew it wasn’t legal yet but Whizzer insisted that the day the law was passed it would happen. He wanted round tables but Marvin insisted on them being square, and they playfully bickered until Whizzer kissed him and he gave in. But that Whizzer died before long before gay marriage was even close to being legalized, and Marvin went to their bed every night with his eyes red from crying, unable to sleep without the warmth of his husband-to-be lying next to him. 

Since he remembers them all so vividly in his past life, Marvin comes to the conclusion that all of his friends must be reincarnated too, which would explain the nightmares that have been plaguing them too. 

So, they were all destined lovers. And as Marvin begins to calm down from his almost-panic-attack it all starts to make sense. He’s been dreaming about Whizzer his entire life, and they both knew things about each other right from the get-go and felt an indescribable attraction to each other. Hell, Marvin even knew Whizzer’s name before he’d even met him. 

He vows to keep this a secret from the rest of the group. They’d either all think he’s crazy or freak out as he had just done. And Marvin knew that the former was much more likely. 

Looking through their bedroom window, Marvin sees the sun beginning to rise. He wasn’t aware of how early it actually was, but upon hearing the shuffling of sheets across the room, Marvin bolts out of bed (despite his heart still hammering in his chest) to greet his lover. And he feels weirdly excited. Excited that he’s alive. That he can see him and touch him and kiss him. 

Which is exactly what he intends on doing.

He all but throws himself onto Whizzer’s bed, which is met with a small yelp from the boy. “Marvin!” He exclaims, “You’re up way earlier than usual-“ But Marvin cuts him off with a desperate kiss, and to his own embarrassment he’s crying again. Whizzer doesn’t complain though, sitting himself up to deepen the kiss as Marvin moves one hand to stroke Whizzer’s hair as the other cups his face. Their mouths work messily against each other and before Whizzer can attempt to slide his tongue into Marvin’s mouth he forces himself to pull away. 

“Reincarnation.” He chokes out, resting his forehead against Whizzer’s. 

“What?” Whizzer gasps out.

“We’re reincarnated. Fated lovers- whatever you want to call it. But the point is we’ve lived before and now we’re living again.”

“Marvin, you- you can’t be serious,” Whizzer laughs nervously.

He takes a deep breath and tells Whizzer everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to thank everyone who's been reading this so far, it really does mean a lot to me, and if you're enjoying the story please please please leave a comment it really encourages me to write. Thank you!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get done but I've been so busy! I'm not completely pleased with how this one turned out since I wanted it to be really good and there was more I wanted to add but I just felt like it wasn't needed considering that I wasn't happy with what I was writing. Regardless, I hope you all enjoy it anyway!

After Marvin had a few more revelations about Whizzer’s home life (all in his own mind of course, his boyfriend would never admit anything to him explicitly) he had insisted the boy fly home with him for Hanukah. Marvin’s mother had instantly fallen in love with him, fussing over his every need and even baked him gingerbread when Whizzer had offhandedly mentioned that being a part of his Christmas/Hanukah celebration as a child. 

They’re sitting on the sofa, Whizzer absentmindedly flicking through the channels on the television and Marvin texting a distressed Charlotte from his boyfriend’s phone. His mobile’s battery had been quickly run down by Jason- who was not allowed his own phone yet- playing games for hours on end. Therefore, Whizzer had kindly thrust his phone towards him when Charlotte had begun to stress out about having eaten all of the sufganiyot that Cordelia had baked. 

Sneakily scrolling through Whizzer’s contacts whilst waiting for Charlotte to send another paragraph about her guilt, he sees one nickname that makes him halt.

“…Whizzer?”

“Yeah babe?”

“Did you really name me ‘bitch’ and then a smiley face on your phone?”

He lets out an indiscreet snort, “What? I have no idea what you’re talking about Marvin. However, if that were to be your nickname on my phone I think that whoever might have done that has an excellent sense of humour and is not exactly wrong.”

Marvin playfully pushes the smirking boy sat beside him, who giggles and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek before taking hold of his hand and turning his attention back to the television. This only annoys Marvin a little bit- because since when was television more important than him? - but he decides not to throw a fit for once. It is the holiday season after all. 

Surprisingly, Whizzer hadn’t totally freaked out and dumped him on the spot when Marvin had told him about the reincarnation. In fact, he had taken it unexpectedly well. Marvin had hastily blurted out every single detail he found important about their past life before Mendel could wake. He had told him about their tight-knit family and the baseball game and Whizzer’s sickness, and how they were star crossed lovers destined to be together, which would explain how they knew everything about each other before meeting. He had expected Whizzer to laugh or to tell Marvin that he was absolutely insane. 

He did neither of those things though.

Whizzer gazed at him with sparkling eyes and before Marvin could once again reassure him that he wasn’t crazy, he was cut off by his boyfriend surging towards him for a kiss. Whizzer wrapped his arms around him, and Marvin wove one of his hands into his boyfriend’s hair, stroking it so tenderly as his other hand held his face. When Whizzer finally withdrew his warm lips from his, he was smiling. Resting his forehead against Marvin’s, he whispered, “I am so, so lucky to be able to live with you again.”

That was the precise moment Marvin fell in love with him.

Unfortunately, Marvin is the worst person ever when it comes to dealing with feelings. Especially considering he’s never loved anyone the way he loves Whizzer. Which is why he still hasn’t explicitly told him about how he feels. 

Instead, Marvin made him a playlist, which might have been a little bit of a mistake because when Whizzer first listened to it he burst into tears, which made Marvin burst into tears; and even Mendel who was sat in the corner of the room playing his stupid Minecraft game with Trina started crying. After the tears had subsided Whizzer had vowed to listen to it every day, which alarmed Marvin a little because of his intense emotional response, but to his knowledge there hadn’t been any more tears over it. 

Life had become much easier for the two after finding out that they were reincarnated. They were no longer worried when they suddenly knew things about each other or had strange memories because they knew. It had become easy to pick up on little things in their friendship group as well. For example, Cordelia and Charlotte joined them one day for a game of racquetball, and when Whizzer tripped over during his match against Marvin, he noticed Charlotte stiffen, the colour draining out of her face. Marvin had a small panic here too as he registered that Whizzer was in the exact same position he had collapsed in back in the 80s before Marvin had to rush him to hospital. Luckily, Whizzer in the present got up without an issue and resumed playing. Charlotte, however, was noticeably tense for the rest of that day. 

Marvin is thankful that it’s finally Winter Break, though. His teachers had been piling so much homework on him that he probably would have dropped out if it wasn’t for Whizzer. Plus, with the freezing weather, it gave Marvin an excuse to throw himself all over his boyfriend more, much to Jason’s dismay, who would pull sick faces whenever he saw them doing anything remotely romantic. 

“How can you even be cold?” He would complain, “You’re wearing a t-shirt, a jumper and a coat and we’re indoors!” 

Marvin would just shrug and crawl closer to Whizzer to plant a kiss on his cheek, causing Jason to fake-retch again.

In regards to the nickname in Whizzer’s phone, Marvin hastily types out in their group chat with Cordelia and Charlotte: “Guys, hypothetically speaking if either me or Whizzer were to be labelled the ‘bitch’ of our relationship, who would it be?”

Remembering that he’s on Whizzer’s phone, he adds, “This is Marvin by the way.”

His face contorts into a scowl when as soon as that message sends, both girls have sent back “Marvin.” 

Peering over his shoulder to look at the phone, Whizzer laughs loudly. “See? Everyone knows it,”

“You’re not funny babe,” Marvin insists. 

“Don’t be mean, it’s Hanukah. Also, don’t think I won’t hesitate to tell on you to your mom.” 

As if on cue, Marvin’s mom shouts from the kitchen, “I hope you’re not picking on poor Whizzer, Marvin.” 

Rolling his eyes, he shouts back, “I was only teasing mom!”

Whizzer giggles and pulls Marvin closer to him. “I love your mom,” he says.

“She loves you too,” Marvin smiles at him, “You know you’ll be absolutely welcome here whenever, right? Just in case…” He trails off, leaving a comment about Whizzer’s family unspoken. 

Picking up on what he meant, Whizzer sighs, “It’s not always that bad at home, I’ve got four other siblings and I’m pretty close with some of them,” Marvin kind of wishes Marvin from the 80s had asked Whizzer more about his family life, because apart from what little he knew about them in his present life, all he had was that he didn’t speak to any of them in the 80s. And having knowledge about what Whizzer’s home life was like would really help him to help his boyfriend. 

“You have four siblings?” He asks, having previously been unaware of this. 

“My parents are very orthodox,” Whizzer explains, even though Marvin pretty much already knew this, “They don’t even curse.”

“I bet they’d fucking love me then,” Marvin jokes, hoping to get a laugh out of Whizzer, no matter how small. And to his surprise, he actually does let out a small chuckle at the lame joke.

“You know I adore you Marv, but yes, yes they would hate you.” 

Falling into silence again, with only the low buzz of the television in the background, Marvin imagines what Whizzer’s family is like. They could all look very similar, having the same soft, caramel hair and flawless complexion that Whizzer had, but from what he knew about them he didn’t want to think about them looking like his boyfriend. Maybe they’re all completely different from each other. An insanely smart older sister, a cool older brother and a sweet and innocent younger one. Marvin wonders how such a nice, cheerful, affectionate, beautiful and intelligent boy could be brought up by a family that was not any of those things. He had to have had one good influence from at least one of his siblings, right? 

When it comes time for them to light the Menorah that night, Jason is heard before he’s seen. Footsteps come thundering down the stairs as Jason yells, “Don’t start without me!” whilst he barrels into the room. After he’s practically ripped the door of its hinges he throws himself at Whizzer, who might as well be a permanent family member at this point considering how attached everyone had become to him. 

After their mother warns Jason gently about being too rough with Whizzer (apparently the boy was now even more important to her that her precious house) he asks her: “Can Whizzer please light the Menorah tonight?” 

The man in question freezes up, and Marvin becomes aware that he was never allowed to light the Menorah in his house. “I- I don’t really think… I wouldn’t want to intrude on your traditions-“ He begins to stammer out an excuse, cutting himself off as Marvin reassuringly takes his hand. 

“You’re a member of this family now, Whizzer. It would mean a lot to us if you would do the honours tonight,” His mother adds. 

“You’ll be fine, Whizzer,” Marvin whispers. Giving Marvin an anxious glance and taking a deep breath, Whizzer steps forward with unstable hands to light that night’s candle. He furrows his brow in concentration, focusing on steadying his hand as the flame licks at the wick of the candle. Once the flame catches on, Whizzer steps backwards, hastily waving the match in his hand as to not accidentally set the house on fire. 

He makes his way over to lean on Marvin, admitting with a shaky breath: “That was maybe the hardest thing I’ve done since confessing my feelings to you,” 

“You did perfectly, Whizzer,” Marvin assures him softly, winding an arm around his shoulders, “And even if you had managed to accidentally set the house on fire, I’m pretty sure there’s no way Mom and Jason would be mad at you for it. Hell, I bet they’d find a way to somehow blame me. They love you so much I’m pretty sure your gift tonight is going to be adoption papers.” 

Whizzer’s gift was actually a CD of a band he loved, while Jason got a new video game and Marvin received a book he’d been eyeing up a few months prior. Marvin’s mother had insisted on buying Whizzer presents for every single night of the holiday so that he wouldn’t feel left out, and Marvin himself had sent his mother a long list of Whizzer’s favourite things to ensure that this Hanukah was perfect for him. On the first night, when he had received a large box his favourite candies, he promptly burst into tears, leaving Marvin’s mother to fret over whether she’d bought the wrong kind, but Whizzer hastily explained through his tears and snot that he was just so damn happy. 

“You’re all so nice,” Whizzer confides in Marvin that night as they lie squashed together in Marvin’s not-so-large bed.

“Nice? Whizzer you of all people should know that I’m a prick,” He scoffs.

“You are not!” His boyfriend chastises, “You’re lovely. Just like the rest of your family.” He pauses for a moment. “Maybe I’d be like you if I had a family like yours.”

Marvin pulls Whizzer into a tight embrace and buries his face in his neck. “You don’t have to be like me. I don’t want you to be like me, Whizz, I fucking hate myself. You’re perfect just the way you are. Your family doesn’t define you.”

Whizzer sighs, “I don’t know. I guess I’m better now with you, but I used to be awful. I’d catch myself using people and hurting them and I’d think to myself ‘you’re just like your father’.”

“Your past doesn’t define you either,” Marvin affirms, gazing up at him and moving his hand to hold Whizzer’s face, “I’m not proud of how I’ve treated people either- how I still treat people. But we can work on it. We can be better together.”

He tries to think of something else to say, some other words of comfort, but that doesn’t seem to matter to Whizzer as he presses his soft lips against Marvin’s. Their arms tighten around each other and Marvin melts into his embrace. It would take a lot to make him admit it, but these types of kisses are Marvin’s favourite. The soft and slow kind that are never started for any other reason other than that they love each other. And God Marvin loves Whizzer so much. He’s pathetically, hopelessly, eternally in love with the boy and it’s honestly turning him into kind of a mess. Hell, he can hardly tie his shoes because of how deeply in love he is. 

When Whizzer pulls away from him, Marvin instinctively surges forwards to capture his lips again, as if he’d die from lack of contact. Not to be a cliché, but if Marvin could stay like this forever, their bodies entangled and the warmth of Whizzer’s body healing his soul, he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to start building up to the end so I hope you all enjoyed this bit of fluff. Also, I'm not Jewish and the only knowledge I have of Jewish holidays is what I learned in high school and what I researched on the internet, so please correct me if I've gotten anything wrong and I'll do my best to fix it :)

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed the first chapter <3 Any sort of feedback is welcome, also you can find me on tumblr @kuraagins :)


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